19 dating app opening lines that aren’t just “Hey, how are you?”

It has come to my attention that more people could be dating on dating apps. 

Yes, dating on a dating app. Rather unorthodox, I know.

But hear me out.

There are four words getting in the way of you finding love, sex, platonic cuddles, light spanking, ethical non-monogamy, repeated rejection, or whatever it is that you’re looking for on a dating app: Hey, how are you?

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Everyone is either good, bad or anxious, let’s just get that out of the way. And before you get technical or tricky with me, yes, this includes all variations of 'hey how are you', including, but not limited to, 'hello how you doing', 'howdy how’s life treating you', 'hiiiii how you been', 'oi what’s up', and so on.

So, unless you’re on the apps to waste what precious time you have left on this earth, here are 19 alternative options you can utalise on your next swiping session:

1. How’s ya mum? I haven’t seen her in a while.

2. Let’s debate… banana on pizza?

3. Do you brush your teeth morning or night? (Yes, this is a trick question.)

4. Choose your own adventure: (1) deeply uncomfortable personal question or (2) boring yet socially acceptable question.

5. If they choose (1), then ask, Who do you love more, your mum or dad? If they choose (2), then unmatch.

6. You can only choose one: love, sex or money? (If they choose sex or money, unmatch, obviously.)

7. What are your three biggest turn-offs? (I plagiarised this from a guy on Hinge. Let me tell you… It worked.)

8. I would like to emotionally drain your life. You in? (This one might be more specific to me and my romantic needs.)

9. Wild idea: we put effort into chatting for the next 24 hours and if we hit it off, we meet up within the next 3–5 business days. You in?

10. Choose one: (a) We say nothing to each other until one of us deletes the app, (b) We chat about the weekend, then the weather, then work, then wait until the convo fizzles, or (c) We discuss the meaning of life using only emojis.

11. What was the best first date you ever went on that went nowhere?

12. It’s our last day on earth. Would you waste it going on a date with me?

13. Are you the kind of person who doesn’t take life too seriously or are you normal?

14. How do you feel about being woken up at 3am every night to discuss my existential crisis? (Again, this one might be more specific to me.)

15. F**k, Marry, Kill: the last three people you chatted to on this app, including me. (If they choose to f**k you, unmatch. Marry or kill is fine.)

16. What disgusts you the most: feet, feelings, or farts? (If they say farts or feelings, you know what to do!)

17. Want to quit our jobs, blow up our lives, and run away together? (No, just me again?)

18. Oh, f**k it… Marry me? (But only use this on people you’ve matched with 20+ times but have never spoken to.)

19. Hey. I’m really tired and can’t think of anything funny or clever to say. But also, I’m feeling a bit lonely tonight. Would you call me and we can just sit on the phone in silence? (Okay, that one is definitely just for me.)

Feature Image: Instagram / @hannahfurst