'Don't let her wear make-up on the first date.' The worrying dating guide for 'alpha males'.

There’s a lot of dating advice on the Internet. A LOT.

But for straight males, the world of women apparently remains baffling. Which is why it’s excellent that someone has finally worked out the secret to successful, romantic relationships.

And no, it’s not Oprah. It’s not Brené Brown or Esther Perel.

It’s a woman by the name of Nannette LaRee Hernandez, and you might have stumbled across her advice on a post being shared around the place that’s titled: “Men, Never Be Catfished, Used For A Meal, Or Stuck In A Sexless Relationship Again”.

Yep.

See, if you ask Nannette, feminism — more specifically, the “the pernicious #MeToo Faction” — is what’s to blame for men being unable to find “a good woman”.

Writing on her website – which we don’t want to link to, because, ick – she explained: “These days more-than ever, a Man must take every precaution to protect himself, and he must do everything in his power to lower his chances of being used, abused or falsely accused”.

And that’s where the dating guide comes in.  Or, as Nannette writes: “This is a Man’s World and the cleverest way to take back the castle is to completely cease giving women what they need,” she wrote, “after decades of women refusing to give Men what they want.”

So here are some out-takes from the handy guide for Alpha Males approaching the dating scene. We’re hoping that sharing these can serve as a public service announcement. As in, if he mentions any of them, RUN.

“Ask her to please come to your first date wearing no makeup.”

“One of the multiple complaints that Men have, is that the woman they see online is never the woman that they get in person. Here is your #1 Clue as to how Real she truly is: ask her to please come to your first date wearing no make-up.

“If she refuses your request to show up to your first date as her natural self, then again, you’ve just dodged a bullet.”

So alpha males don’t understand make-up? Is that it? But we thought they were smart…

“If a woman is keen to immediately bring you around her children… she is beyond dangerous and you’re far safer sleeping with a grenade.”

“Know this now,” she wrote, “any woman who does not have the instinct to protect her own flesh and blood will think nothing of cutting you and laughing while you bleed.”

Got that, guys? Women obviously need to protect their children from you. But it’s them we should all be wary of.

“A HARD NO If anything in her dating profile trashes her ex, or states that she has ever been ‘hurt’ or ‘abused’.”

“I cannot stress this enough — you are just the next Guy that she’s going to trash, use, accuse, blame and shame.

“If you even think about dating a woman like this, you may as well go into your kitchen, find the sharpest knife in the drawer and just slice your balls off.”

LISTEN: Group therapy — “I don’t think the bloke I am seeing is a feminist, what do I do?”

“Treat the first date like a business interview”.

Apparently, as the Man, you must establish dominance and draw boundaries “in order to attract the right type of women, otherwise, if you come across as weak and unsure you will only attract broken, desperate, low-quality, needy, insecure, control-freak Feminazis.”

According to Nannette, this means conducting the first date “like it’s a business interview”, which we presume means asking her to share an example of a time she applied critical thinking to solve a problem. Or something.

Make it clear to her before the date that you will not be paying for anything.

Also, because the majority of women apparently see men “as ATMs”, blokes must make it crystal clear ahead of time that they will not pay for anything. “Not her coffee, her food, or her drink.”

But… wait… a woman paying her fair share rather than expecting a man to do it for her? Sounds a lot like that dangerous women’s empowerment nonsense.

Also, never under any circumstances sleep with a woman on the first date.

“Any woman who f***s you after you’ve just met has positioned you for a false rape allegation, an unwanted baby, an STD or has obligated you into a ‘relationship.’”

So, just to recap… if she wears mascara and demonstrates the fact that she’s immediately sexually attracted to you, run. RUN! FASTER, SON!

After all, “The cons women utilise to trap a Man absolutely rivals the CIA. Women are beyond the pale when it comes to being cunningly brilliant.”

According to Nannette, we a) lie about being on birth control, b) use our long nails to “rip condoms and make them pointless”, c) even dig used condoms out of the bathroom bin several days later to inseminate ourselves — apparently, “that happens A LOT”. That’s how badly we want to get our hands on your baby-making material, fellas.

It’s really a wonder we get anything else done, what with crafting our false identities, perfecting our disguises and rifling through your bins.

No wonder we’re underrepresented on corporate boards…

Has a man ever asked you an unreasonable request on a first date?