real life

Someone who is not Emma Stone can now marry Andrew Garfield.

Love is dead, we don’t believe in anything any more, nothing lasts for ever, etc, etc.

Emma Stone, very famous actor and owner of the world’s biggest eyes, has broken up with boyfriend of three years Andrew Garfield, actor, Spiderman and possessor of a great head of hair.

The cause? Long distance, naturally. Because no matter how much you get paid to say words to a camera, those frequent flyer points were not being used for spontaneous romantic getaways.

LOVE IS A LIE.

Garfield, 31 but looks 13, is filming a movie in Taiwan and didn’t bother taking a break from work to be on his girlfriend’s arm at the Golden Globes. Selfish. Meanwhile, Stone put her career on hold to be with Garfield, according to People.

Related: Internet tells Emma Stone to “eat a sandwich”. She responds awesomely.

“Emma understands his work anxieties – it’s why she originally pulled out of Cabaret last year and only did it this year – but they’re taking a break from seeing each other,” a source told People.

“They’re both a slave to their schedules. This time last year they were privately discussing marriage.”

Source, you make us sad.

Here’s what we know. Garfield went away for work. Promised he’d come back to her. Didn’t.

Stone, like the believer in true love that we know she is, waited for him. Now she’s all…

And thus ends the love story of Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield. Garfield, you’re free to marry an average girl with small eyes. Stone, you can come and play laser tag with us because #LoveIsALie.

Now let’s reminisce on the good times. Emma and Andrew: True love forNEVER.