'I told my doctor I found sex extremely painful. He told me to have a drink and loosen up.'

This International Women’s Day, Mamamia is creating the world we wished we lived in via our website and socials. That’s why today on Mamamia, you’ll see headlines we wish existed. But we cannot write these stories. Instead, the story will reveal the reality of what the world really looks like for women in 2022. You can read more about our pledge to #BreakTheBias this IWD here.

This is the headline we wish we could write on International Women’s Day: Woman believed and supported after telling doctor about her pain.

But this is still the reality for women in 2022: 

We are 50 per cent more likely to be misdiagnosed following a heart attack.

We are 30 per cent more likely to be misdiagnosed, or have our condition overlooked entirely, following a stroke.

It takes approximately five years for autoimmune diseases to be correctly identified and diagnosed.

Female-specific conditions (endometriosis, adenomyosis, fibroids, etc.) often take 10 years or more for accurate identification and diagnosis.

The result? A lost generation of women going through life struggling with undiagnosed conditions. Or if they broach the subject with a healthcare professional, they're more likely to have their pain dismissed and told it's 'all in their heads'. 

Missed and misdiagnoses are a far too common occurrence for women all over the world. From a lack of research into health issues that predominately affect women, to an extensive history of gendered notions and stigmas that cloud possible symptoms and diagnosis, we're continually failed by the system.

And we need to talk about what that really means for us.

Three years ago, I had my own missed diagnosis in an experience that not only left me suffering from a treatable condition for months longer than necessary, but also left me feeling humiliated. 

It instilled a sense of distrust with medical professionals in me; one that is far too comfortable among women. 

You see, when I was 18 years old I finally mustered up the courage to go to a doctor with the hopes of resolving an ongoing issue I had with painful sex, spurred on by my boyfriend of the time. 

To say I was reluctant to get it 'treated' would be an understatement. 

To me, it felt like a luxury to see a medical professional to resolve an issue with an act you "opt-in" to. I felt like I'd be wasting people's time. I didn't have any related issues that impacted my day-to-day life. This was a condition that presented only when I had sex, so the quick fix solution would be to simply... not have sex.

But, my relationship was breaking down because of it, and rather than doing it for myself, I thought I owed it to my boyfriend. 

So, I dragged myself into a clinic and mumbled to the doctor that sex hurts to varying degrees. I'd never found it pleasurable, and it'd been three years now.

On my first visit, the female doctor seemed fairly stumped on what it could be. 

She gave me a referral for an internal ultrasound to test for endometriosis despite presenting few symptoms and ran some precautionary STI tests. 

Once I had the results for both, we'd reevaluate, she said.

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A week later I returned ready to be fixed. I didn't have endometriosis, as I had suspected, and so I came back to receive the STI results, plus on the (probably misinformed) advice of a friend, to discuss changing birth control with hopes of stabilising my mood.

My usual doctor was away, so I was sent to a different doctor. A man. 

Seeing a male doctor had never bothered me much before. A doctor's a doctor, I thought.

Thankfully, a few months later a mentor of mine encouraged me to try again, but to speak to a women's health clinic this time around.

So, despite my nerves, I gave them a call.

When asked for some details as to why I was booking the appointment, I sheepishly mumbled that sex was painful.

Her voice immediately softened: "Honey, that's awful and we'll do everything we can to get you feeling better."

Sure enough, I had a name for my condition within moments of arriving at my appointment: Vaginismus.

After a quick inspection, the doctor assured me that there was nothing physically wrong with me as I feared and I was referred to a physiotherapist and the fix, although tedious, was far less scary and invasive than I had anticipated.

All up, the five-minute appointment cost $90 which on my 18-year-old casual wage hurt a little. But, I accepted that that's the price I would pay for comfort. For peace of mind. To be treated, by a doctor, with dignity.

Unfortunately, my experience is just one of many faced by women seeing medical professionals. 

Whether it's for sexual health treatment like me, or for endometriosis, anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, or even heart disease, in 2022 women continue to endure treatable conditions far longer than necessary.

And it is quite literally impacting our health.

Until that changes, we will continue to make noise. We will continue to share our stories and call out inequality. Because we deserve better. 

At Mamamia, every day is International Women’s Day. We fund the education of 300 girls in school every single day with our charity partner Room to Read, and our goal is to increase that number to 1,000. To help support girls’ education in developing countries, you can donate to Room to Read and contribute to a brighter future.