Jen Hawke let loose during Bachelor In Paradise and BOY did we learn some stuff.

Look. 

While Bachelor in Paradise is certainly some good television, not everyone is convinced it will be the show that fills the gaping hole left in schedules across Australia after Married at First Sight wrapped up.

What might help, however, is the knowledge that often the recaps can provide as much entertainment as the show itself.

Take, for instance, former Bachelor contestant Jen Hawke, who is recapping the show live on her Instagram stories in a very aptly titled series called Will You Accept This Roast? 

It’s as brutal as it sounds. These are some of our favourite takeaways:

Everyone really does have a Jake Ellis story

Jen very helpfully decided to do an Instagram poll after Flo claimed “Everyone has a Jake Ellis story”.

So, does everyone really have a Jake Ellis Story? Yes, everyone really has a Jake Ellis Story, with 75 per cent of responders saying they did. Including, we think, maybe Jen herself.

Speaking of Bachelor recaps… well, we have a whole podcast about that. I chat about last night’s episode with Michelle Andrews below:

Oh, and she really doesn’t like Blake

Perhaps no surprise, if you remember Blake threatened to sell nude photos she sent him while they were dating and she subsequently filed a police complaint and lodged an AVO application.

So, you know, she really doesn’t like Blake.

When showing footage of Sam entering Paradise and running to see Blake, she said: “The only person ever to be that excited to see Blake and it’s another dude.”

Nice.

Oh, nup. She’s not a fan of Laurina and Blake’s date

After Laurina explained the long-list of qualities she’d love in a partner, Jen was – how do we say… disappointed? – because she then went and chose to go on a date with Blake.

“Oh Laurina, I thought you wanted someone honest and kind and caring, not someone you can’t send nude photos to.”

Wait, no, she REALLY doesn’t like Blake

Ahem. Just this:

“He can’t read, he can’t do basic maths. I’m embarrassed for my own vagina right now.”

Oh, wait and this, after Blake said he “feel[s] like something’s ready to explode”.

“Oh. Well, really. You never really were one to last long.”

The producers definitely knew Brett and Steph were dating

“Let’s just clarify something,” she said.

“Brett, Steph. Not exactly a secret. I don’t even follow either of them on Instagram and I know they’ve been in a relationship since like, August last year. It’s hard to believe the producers didn’t know considering before I even went on the Bachelor, they stalked the sh*t out of my Instagram and knew everybody that I knew. So, I find it very hard to believe that they weren’t aware of this situation, and it’s just sh*t that they put Tara in such a shit situation. Yes, 100 per cent they would have known, and this is just a sh*t way for them to make a storyline. It’s rubbish.”

But she loves Davey

Oh, she’s not all full of shade. In fact, she quite liked Davey before he was booted off the show.

“So, Florence chose Jake over Davey and I am absolutely gutted because I think Davey is one of the best things to ever happen to the Bachelor franchise. He’s such good laugh and such good entertainment for those of us at home.”

Glorious. It’s all just so glorious.