Orlando Bloom can't stop thinking about that time he got his penis out on a paddle board.

We’re ashamed to say we almost forgot about that time Orlando Bloom was papped totally naked on a paddle board while on holiday in Sardinia in 2016.

Almost.

(Mamamia doesn’t publish paparazzi photos, but just in case you’re in need of a refresher…)

Uh, even the Googleboxer’s spoke about Orlando Bloom’s penis because of course they did. Post continues below video.

Thankfully (?) Bloom himself has brought the images back to our attention, by saying that a lot of the… erm, praise, he received after they hit the internet was unwarranted.

During an appearance on The Howard Stern Show last week, Bloom said if he’d known he was being photographed he wouldn’t have dropped his board shorts.

“That was a few years ago. I’m so in tune with nature,” he joked, before saying seriously “I hadn’t done full-frontal, I wouldn’t have gone, ‘Oh, I’m up for that.'”

He said he found out about the photos existence from his publicist and he was not prepared for the major furore they created.

“First there’s the photo with the block over it and you make some jokes – ‘Well, I hope they got a black box big enough to cover it,’ … And then suddenly you realise that somebody is going to uncover the black box because they’re going to get paid enough money.”

Howard Stern complimented Bloom for “having that kind of equipment”, referencing a suspiciously large ‘shadow’ in the photo.

But then Bloom shattered the dreams of, well, way too many people:

“It is really not that big,” he said, possibly becoming the only man in history to utter such a sentence. “Things are expanded on cameras with a big optical lens. It is an optical illusion.”

Oh.

Bloom first acknowledged #paddleboardgate in 2017, telling Elle he decided to strip down after feeling "free".

"It was surprising… I have been photographed a million times in a million ways. I have a good radar," the Pirates of the Caribbean actor said. "We’d been completely alone for five days. Nothing around us. There was no way anyone could get anything. So I had a moment of feeling free."

The English actor, however, was not free, and the photos quickly went viral.

"Note to self: You’re never free. Ha!"

That same year his now-fiance Katy Perry talked about the photos on KIIS FM’s Kyle and Jackie O Show.

"I’ve had lots of therapy about that moment," she joked at the time.

"He asked me if I wanted to [be naked] and it was just one of those things where I was like ‘oh, nah’. You know when you’re dating someone sometimes and it’s exciting, and you’re thinking should we try this…"

"I was just not in the mood, so I stayed with the clothes."

Bloom and Perry are engaged, and while they've kept their wedding plans very well under wraps, we bet there's at least one activity they won't be engaging in on their honeymoon.