You are lucky that you have nice hair, and that grey suits you. It doesn't suit me. It makes me look washed out and much older. I will be colouring my hair until the day I die.
I had my daughter at 22 and my first son at 25. They were from my first marriage. Then I had my middle son from a boyfriend, at age 30. I married for the second time at age 38. I had a couple of miscarriages, but no one seemed to care, especially not my second husband. I had my last son at age 40. This pregnancy was harder and more tiring, because I was working full time and was the mother of two teenagers and an almost teenager, and my husband and his mother turned out to be not very nice people. I am now 65 and my youngest son turns 25 at the end of the year. And we are the best of friends.
I didn't grow up going to churches. Apart from the odd occasion when I stayed at my cousins' place on the odd weekend or holiday. I would go to a catholic church with them on a Sunday. It was pretty boring. But I did like the yummy second breakfast my aunty would make for us when we came home after. It wasn't until I was in my 40's and extremely suicidal from my second marriage breakup, that I really gave church a go. I went to Assemblies of God churches for around 2 or 3 years. Having a new focus did help me to feel a lot more positive. But, while some of the people from these churches were truly lovely, most of the people, especially those in charge, were quite arrogant, domineering, opinionated and judgmental. The pastor's wife tried to force me to speak in tongues. It didn't feel natural to me, so after a while, I just did like Borat and mumbled gibberish. She was so pleased with me haha. I also noticed that a lot of people who were so called speaking in tongues would utter the same nonsense words , such as ayundah bah hya. I took my little one to church with me. He loved sitting on my lap, and we both enjoyed the snacks and coffee afterward. Once I realized that I felt more like and outsider than ever,I left. I'm still spiritual, just don't believe in the bible or jesus.
Once I got old enough to realise that my dad was a very bad man, and that just about everything he did and said to our mum and us kids was fuelled by irrational anger and hatred, I stopped loving him. We were all trapped in a household full of fear, abuse, anger, blaming, judgement and pure hatred and evil. Loud voices and loud sounds still trigger me. I hated that person who was supposed to be my dad, and wished him dead many times. When I was 25 my mum was on the point of leaving him, and taking my siblings that were still living with her. Then she found out he had cancer and stayed on for another year of hell, until he passed away at age 54. I didn't feel sad. Just relieved for my mum, that she was finally free from the black cloud she'd been living under for so long. None of us escaped unscathed. Everyone in my family has or had some type of mental illness, coupled with ptsd. My middle brother, who my dad had treated the worst when he was a kid, died by suicide in 2009. My brother had had severe alcohol and substance abuse problems from a young age. Strange thing was, my brother was our dad's champion. He hated it if anyone spoke ill of our dad. My mum lived to the ripe old age of 88, so she had many years of freedom.
I have never understood why sizes 12 and 14 should be seen as plus size. Women of that size look slim to me.
My sister and her husband invited my ex husband to their place all the time. I think they didn't believe what I'd said about him. Maybe I should have taken photos of what he did to my middle son.
All well and good, and mostly understandable. Though I do think she might need to rethink her career choices as her child or children get older.
This toxic media culture of body shaming famous women has been literally going on for decades. It's almost like a mass hatred of famous women. Like she said, it does seem like Jennifer Aniston is one of the most frequent victims of journalistic criticism. How many times have they speculated that a tiny rounding of her tummy must be a so called baby bump. They still do it now that she's in her 50's. It's like they're punishing female celebrities for daring to be human like the rest of us. I remember, when she was alive, how ruthless and vindictive the media was in it's criticism of her. I even remember a close up photo in a magazine, of her supposedly wrinkly knees, of all things. Of course, now that she's dead, she is placed upon an unrealistic pedestal, equal in some ways to Mother Mary. It's now well overdue for a complete turnaround in how women, famous or not, are portrayed in mainstream media. If this involves sacking all the staff, and hiring more enlightened ones, so be it. We are more than just our bodies.
There are more people with downs syndrome lately, who are actors in films, series, stage productions, catalogues etc. There is a really great stage company whose members all identify with some kind of disability or other. Here is a link to read more about them. https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2022/mar/21/geelong-ensemble-win-one-of-the-worlds-richest-theatre-prizes
I was a teenager and young woman in the 70's. I had small boobs and was constantly teased about it for most of my life. I felt pretty inadequate. I would have loved to have had at least average sized boobs. There were tops and dresses that I could not wear because of my tiny little boobs. The nasty, barbed comments and pokes in the chest that I received from other females, and occasionally males, scarred me for life. Now that I'm older and larger, my boobs have finally grown. I still don't feel fashionable though.
Perimenopause and menopause were hell for me. I didn't realise that i was probably going through peri while in my late 30's,40's and 50's. I couldn't sleep more than 4 or 5 hours a night. I was constantly exhausted and very emotional. I had migraines. I had my 4th child at 40. Was expected to go back to work soon after. I also had an undiagnosed mental illness. My second husband was constantly pressing my buttons, even though I asked him not to. I was suicidal and overwhelmed. My periods came every 3 weeks and i spotted in between. The marriage didn't last, which was eventually a relief. I suffered from intense hot flashes. Sometimes just from talking to someone. Gradually my periods became lighter and lighter, and further and further apart. Till I had my last one in my early fifties. Then I had a complete hysterectomy and ovaries removal as i had pre cancerous cells. The hot flashes still went on for some years, then gradually petered out to the point where now my body just reacts to hot or cold weather, like everyone else.
I've given up on looking for decent plus sized clothing instore. Depending on what type of clothing it is and the fit, I wear either size 22, 24, or 26. It's very rare to find anything beyond an 18 or 20. Finding coats or jackets in size 24 or 26 is like trying to find hen's teeth. I'm forced to trawl various online sites in my pursuit for clothes in my size that look halfway decent. My bra size is 22c. I've found it extremely hard to find that size. Most size 22 bras come in a d or dd at the very least. But these look loose and baggy on my chest. I feel like I have to apologise for having a smaller than "usual" cup size. I have found an online company called shein, which has a really good plus sized selection of clothes. What I really detest also, is people who try to tell us about all of the things we need to do to lose weight. How do they know we're not already doing these things and more ? And the skewed reasoning behind not producing more nice plus sized clothes: that we don't deserve to clothe our "overweight", "disgusting" bodies in nice clothes and that this should be an incentive to make us lose weight. Oh, and the constantly recited statements that obese people are more likely to die of this or that. Show me some real facts.
I didn't know one thing about perimenopause or menopause when I first started going through it in my late 30's. I just thought I was finding it harder to cope with stress. I made the mistake of getting married for the second time. The added responsibility of that, plus having my fourth child at 40, added to the hormonal and emotional changes that came post pregnancy and pre menopausal, caused me to become an insomniac, extremely touchy and emotional and teary. My periods came every 3 weeks, so I was always in one or the other uncomfortable part of my menstrual cycle. I spotted in between periods. My guts were always sore and uncomfortable. I was pushed into going back to work full time when our baby was just 8 months old and still breastfeeding. So I had to wean him. The marriage and the job didn't last very long. Too much pressure. I think i started getting the hot flushes by my mid to late 40's. It lasted around 10 years. That was the worst part of menopause for me. It was often embarrassing and agony. Haven't had them for at least a few years. The weather now affects me the same as everyone. I am now 64. I do mourn the loss of my waist.
When I was just 7 years old, my parents used to leave me in charge of my younger siblings aged 5, 3 and 1. So that my parents could do the weekly grocery shop. It was okay, except that, as soon as my 1 year old sister realised that mum wasn't around, she would run outside, throw herself on the ground, and scream at the top of her lungs. Me, being a kid, would sometimes sit on her legs and just tell her to shut up. Mum always gave me a roll of lollies to give to my sister if she acted up, which she always did.
I stopped going to family gatherings years ago. Too overwhelming. And when I found out about the untrue rumours and malicious gossip that my sisters and mum had been spreading about me, that was it. When my mum went into a nursing home, I did visit her now and then, with one of my sons for back up. The main reason i visited her was because she was very old and in poor health. When she was turning 80, one of my sisters tried to guilt trip us into going to mum's 80th birthday party, because she said that mum wanted to see us all together. I declined, and visited my mum at the nursing home instead. My younger brother told me that, sometimes when he visited her, our mum would still say negative things about me. He tried to stick up for me. I always felt that while my mum did care about me, she never liked or understood me. I now have my own small family circle that i celebrate birthdays and christmas with. My kids and my brother and his girlfriend. That's all we need.
I too know the curse of being labelled pretty or beautiful. I used to feel like people could not see or acknowledge the real me underneath the surface, and that, apart from being pretty, i was worthless. Sometimes i was even told that I was "too" pretty or beautiful. A couple of guys even told me that it hurt their eyes to look at me. What a backhanded compliment. The father of one of my kids even said that I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever been with. But he said it in a way that sounded really negative. My first husband initially worshipped me, but within a couple of years was telling me that i was not his ideal woman because I was too short, my boobs were too small, i was not sophisticated, and was not intellectual like he supposedly was. He himself was quite unattractive. Throughout my life, many guys have raped me or tried to rape me, or made disgusting comments at me. It is only since becoming old and overweight, that this now hardly ever happens. I don't think being pretty is a privilege at all.
Is there someone who can help you during the times when you can't look after your daughter ?
I've been stalked before. It's a particularly cruel and devious form of oppression. The creep even moved from one side of Melbourne to another, to a place just a few streets away from me. He then harassed me on the bus every morning. He even rang up one day, screaming abuse at me, claiming that I'd give the cops his name with regards to the Mister Cruel case. Which I hadn't. If it was true that he was a suspect, that was even more reason to be wary of the creep.
Brodie is my daughter's sister in law. I remember her long journey to get to this point. I am so proud of her and so glad that this law, which could help many families, has been passed. With love xoxo
That's really sad and concerning that some of the kids are still living in squalor.Surely something more could be done for them.