I hadn’t known a reality show about pop duo The Veronicas was what was missing from my life until MTV announced that yes, The Veronicas: Blood Is for Life, would be airing on Sunday, November 10.
Oh my, I thought. That sounds highly important.
If there’s one thing we can all agree on it’s that we need more reality television, and I for one would very much like to know the gossip about 34-year-old twins Jess and Lisa Origliasso.
Of course, there's one small problem.
Look.
Making a reality show about any Australian celebrity is always awkward. We're not nearly extravagant or controversial enough to carry an entire series. That's not to say we shouldn't make them. God no. Being Lara Bingle will go down in history as a masterpiece.
It's just that it was objectively a very terrible show.
Driving cars around Sydney is not as interesting as driving them around LA, drama is far less exciting in an Australian accent, and the stakes are undeniably far, far lower for local celebrities. There aren't enough publicity scandals, or complex family in-fighting, or literal televised births.
But for reasons that are currently unclear, The Veronicas decided they'd give reality TV a go anyway, and here we are.
Watch MTV's first look at The Veronicas: Blood is for Life. Post continues after video.
We open with home video footage of two naked twins in a bath, and a voiceover of a disembodied twin tells us the sisters grew up around music. "From six months old, we'd communicate in harmony with each other," the voice says, and that sounds like a lie but okay.
I'm also a twin and the most magical thing my sister and I ever did as babies was fall asleep sucking each other's thumbs. Admittedly, that's kind of cute but doesn't take any level of skill or talent, which probably foreshadowed the rest of our lives.
Jess explains the last 18 months have been a particularly tough time. "Lise and I didn't talk for a year," she says. "I was in a relationship that wasn't good for me. I became very isolated."
It's clear that she's referring to her relationship with Australian actor Ruby Rose, and with every inch of my being I want the goss on why they broke up.
"I had nobody anymore," Jess says. "I only had my relationship. I had nobody in my family."
Through tears, Lisa reflects on realising she'd "become the enemy".
"Ultimately, my presence and my love was making it harder for her."
"When it became too much for me, I walked away," Jess says, and now, she's taking this opportunity to 'mend' everything that broke with her sister.
Listen to a recap of exactly what went down on the first episode of The Veronicas: Blood Is for Life on Mamamia's daily entertainment podcast The Spill.
Obviously, the best way to look after yourself and put a fragile relationship back together is to do a live radio interview with Kyle Sandilands, who will, without a doubt, yell questions like: 'WEREN'T U GUYS NOT TALKIN' FOR AGES? DIDN'T YOUSE HATE EACH OTHER?'
Unsurprisingly, that's exactly what happens when Jess and Lisa debut their new single Think of You on the Kyle and Jackie O show.
Despite the fact that Kyle does ask about Jess' break up with Ruby Rose, as well as the twins' feud with each other, Jess cries with gratitude about being 'treated like a human' by Kyle. After all, he didn't call anyone a 'slag' or a 'lying mole' so he may as well have been a perfectly respectful interviewer.
As the twins get in the car to continue the rest of their day of publicity for their new single, they start... fighting.
Jess says she's going to 'go first' in her piece to camera, starts speaking, and then gets annoyed that Lisa is being too quiet.
So true.
It's uncomfortable and I love it.
During their time in Sydney to promote their new song, Jess and Lisa also have another top priority: their faces.
They go to a clinic for a cosmetic procedure that's described as the 'next step up from a facial' and 'involves needles' and something tells me no one wants to say the word Botox.
Before the procedure (it actually looks like it might not be Botox, but there are an alarming number of needles), there's a CATASTROPHE.
Both Jess and Lisa have numbing cream applied to their faces, and Lisa has an allergic reaction. Her face swells up with a red bumpy rash and she starts thinking that her throat might be closing up.
After an antihistamine, however, everything is... fine, and she proudly announces, "I will not let the fear of this rash outweigh the fear of Jess looking better than me. I will power through".
Once their faces are tended to, the twins have one more errand to run before they leave Sydney for a US tour.
There's a talent show at a local school, and yes they're going to crash and perform at it.
A student named Cleo has organised the talent quest for charity, and contacted The Veronicas through social media to let them know two girls would be singing their song, Untouched.
When Jess and Lisa sneak into the school and end up performing on stage alongside the two students, I can't help but imagine that one of the teenage girls is crying on the inside. 'This was my moment,' she's thinking. 'And now the famous people have come to steal it. I learnt all the words for nothing.'
On a related note, HOW DOES ONE FAIRLY JUDGE a talent quest where two professional musicians just gave an unexpected performance?
We can only hope these are the dramas that get resolved in episode two.
Top Comments
Been watching Rebellion on nettflix about real troubles.