rogue

9 women share how they found out their partner was cheating (and what happened next).

Whether you’ve been together for a few months or few years, finding out your partner has cheated on you is a whole different world of hurt. 

For some, it's the smallest things that can tip you off like a questionable text or a story that doesn’t add up. But for others, the bad news might be delivered by a friend or even the person your partner is seeing.

Either way, discovering the truth about your partner's infidelity is never easy. 

Watch: We confess our relationship deal breakers. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

We asked nine women to share how they found out their partners were cheating on them, and what happened next

From trying to make it work, to an instant breakup, here’s what they had to say.

"I was searching for his superannuation statement when I found a letter written to him by his girlfriend."

My ex and I had been married for 12 years and shared three kids together when we decided on a trial separation.

At the time, my friend gave me the best advice ever - photocopy everything you can get your hands on regarding your finances. 

So, I was searching for his superannuation statement when I found a letter written to him by his then girlfriend.

The letter referred to a night they spent together a week earlier when they had been to the football together.

The letter said something along the lines of: "I wondered if you went home and made love to your wife after we had just had sex."

After I found the letter, I confronted him by asking how Anne (the women he was having an affair with) was. 

"Anne who?" he responded. "The Anne you’re sleeping with," I replied.

He told me, "You’re crazy, you don’t know what your saying. In response, I threw a copy of the letter at him. He ripped it up, and I said, "That’s fine, I have another 20 copies of that letter!"

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I told him to pack his stuff and get out of the house that night, and he went on to remarry a few years later. He cheated on her too.

"His 'girlfriend' sent messages to my family and friends after stalking me on Facebook."

My ex-husband and I had been married for almost 10 years when I discovered he was having an affair.

I had once suspected it three years earlier when I was going through chemotherapy, and he was constantly out and unreachable, but when I raised it with him, he got so angry that he kicked me out of the house at one in the morning.

I should have left him then. It was so cruel what he did, but I couldn’t deal with it so I chose to focus on my recovery. 

Years later, I found out that he was cheating on me when his 'girlfriend' sent messages to my family and friends after stalking me on Facebook.

When I contacted his 'girlfriend', she sent me hundreds of messages between them.

He met her through work and acted like he was single to her at first. When she cottoned on to it, he told her that he was married but staying with me because I had cancer. I was fully recovered by that stage and I thought we were happy.

I later found out about two other women who he had cheating on me with.

One woman went to the same gym as us. The other was a woman he’d worked with. They’d been involved off and on over the years. 

I've since realised that he was also cheating on me for years prior, including when I was going through chemo. I left and haven’t looked back.

"I found a pair of women's knickers in his lunch bag."

My partner had been studying at the police academy and coming home on weekends. 

When at home, I had noticed him taking his phone to the shower and claiming to be listening to music. He kept his phone away from me at all times.

I became suspicious when I noticed he had added a lot of new women on Facebook. 

Then I noticed he had been messaging a new mate named Eddy constantly and when I asked about the friend, he was always shady. 

He raised a few conversations with me about being unhappy which was not the case before he went to the academy. 

I decided to check his bags one weekend, and I found a woman’s knickers in his lunch bag. At the time, I was pregnant with our second child.

I decided to stay quiet but inquire. He was never honest. 

Six weeks after our baby was born, he decided to end it and leave. 

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We were in constant conversation and he returned another six weeks after that. We remained together for a year, but after that he said he never stopped thinking about her so we ended our marriage.

"I saw him kissing my close friend in the rear-view mirror while I drove."

I saw my boyfriend kissing my close friend in the rear-view mirror of the car as I drove. 

They were both sitting in the back seat and he even looked up afterwards to see if I had noticed but he was looking directly at me and not the rear-view mirror so he didn’t know I had seen.

It took them three days to confess even though I was pushing them to tell me.

"He left the hospital after the birth of our son to go visit his mistress."

My partner left the hospital after the birth of our son to go visit his mistress. He’d been cheating on me during the whole pregnancy.

After I went to the restaurant that he and his mistress worked at, I noticed that they were all weird around each other, so I put two and two together and confronted them. 

Three kids under three and a cheating partner was not a good combo. I kicked him out and we’ve been separated for 10 years.

"I had to get an AVO against her."

I was with a guy for three years, and always felt something was off. I later found out he'd been cheating on with me with several women! 

The first one I found out about was a woman he'd met on a trip away. She thought she was his girlfriend. When she found out about me, she sent me a letter detailing their relationship.

It was very sordid, and I ended the relationship with him. However, she was harassing and stalking me to the point that I had to get an AVO against her.

"He told me eight months later on Valentine's Day."

My ex-husband had sex with his boss. He told me eight months later on Valentine’s Day when it became a workplace issue and he was suspended. 

I stayed for 15 months trying to forgive, but in the end, I couldn’t do it.

I was too angry, and that wasn’t good for me or my children.

"He still believes he did nothing wrong."

I first suspected that my husband might be cheating on me when he was getting text and calls randomly throughout the day, and was going to our bedroom or ensuite to respond to them.

Then I noticed he was spending some time with one of our helpers at our boxing gym which I thought was a bit strange. 

Then on the night of our Christmas function at the gym, he disappeared for over an hour and she was missing too. It turned out he was in the taxi line with her to make sure she got in the taxi okay.

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I asked him multiple times if anything was happening and I got the whole, 'No, it’s all in your head.' 

Shortly afterwards, we travelled to Sweden together for a three-week trip.

On Christmas Eve, while staying in Sweden, his phone beeped. It was her saying, 'It was nice to talk to you last night. I’ve missed you and can’t wait to see you.'

I called him into the room and asked him outright. He still claimed it was all in my head. I took off my wedding ring right then and there and ended my marriage. 

The next three weeks were torture! I was in one of the most amazing countries at winter time but he was there with me. 

The minute we got home, he went to the gym to see her. I packed up all his things, went to the gym, and dumped all his stuff. 

The next six to eight months were just horrible. It was a grief I had never known, and it just sucked. To this day, I would say he believes he did nothing wrong.

"Something tripped our security camera, and it recorded an entire hour long conversation with his ex from 35 years ago."

On my birthday this year, I was at work. My husband of 35 years came home, and remained sitting in his car, with the door open, talking on the phone. 

Something tripped our security camera, and it recorded the entire hour long conversation and sent it to me as an email. 

I was confused initially. As I opened the video file, I couldn’t see anything out of order. I watched for a few minutes.

Then I started to hear the one sided phone conversation that had inadvertently been recorded.

I could only hear what my husband was saying, but the conversation was intimate, familiar and very close. 

It was immediately obvious that he wasn’t talking to anyone I know. 

The content of the conversation was also inappropriate for a married man to be having with anyone other than his wife. 

I texted him and told him I’d heard the entire conversation. With no way of denying it, he told me he was on the phone to an old girlfriend, the girl he was with immediately prior to us meeting... 35 years ago! 

I was gobsmacked, heartbroken, horrified, humiliated, and unbelievably betrayed. You think you know someone! 

He told me it had only been going on for about six months, but when I went back over old phone records, it was well over two years. 

I couldn’t work. I laid on the couch in the foetal position for 48 hours. 

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Eventually I spoke to my doctor, who suggested I do three things. See a lawyer, see a counsellor, and don’t make any hasty decisions. 

The lawyer was very helpful. She made me aware that if we separated, my husband would likely get half of my super (he doesn’t have any super, and I’ve always been the breadwinner), and we would have to sell our property in order to settle. That wouldn't leave me with enough money to start all over again, and certainly not enough to retire. 

That was sobering to say the least. It gave me the impetus to consider staying together.

So, here we are. I haven’t made any decisions, but we are attempting to stay together. He isn’t exactly doing any work on himself, but I can see he’s making an effort in our marriage. 

It may not work, but I’m not going to be left saying I didn’t give it everything.

"I checked his phone bill."

I had just broken up with a guy I'd been living with for about three years.

He had moved out, and I was still in the house. His phone bill came and over the past month, he had texted one particular number 600 times.

I rang it, and her name was Katie. They worked together. 

I never bothered getting the full details as we were already broken up but I'm guessing they weren't just texting office gossip. 

"Friends told me."

My first serious relationship ended when his friends told me that he had been with another woman who is the daughter of a famous children's entertainer.

I copped people singing his songs at me for a while after we broke up which was hell. 

He admitted to it and told me that there's a line between loving someone and being in love with someone and he was just on the love side with me. 

Later on, I found out he had cheated with other women well before that. Once again his friends told me and when I confronted him about it, he said it didn't matter anymore because we were no longer together. 

After the anger dissipated, he reached out to me and apologised and said that he valued our friendship but understood if I wanted nothing to do with him. 

We're still friends today, have married other people and have kids, but every now and then catch up for a coffee and a chat.

Feature Image: Getty.

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