couples

A couple's therapist on the 7 traits that help couples make it.

What makes some couples seem like they've found the secret to lasting love, while others struggle to stay afloat? According to psychologist Dr Nicole LePera, AKA The Holistic Psychologist, it take a whole lot more than just chemistry and commitment.

In her wellness practices, LePera focuses on the connection between the mind, body and soul. Throughout her career, she has spoken to couples on both ends of the spectrum — those in healthy relationships, and those who are, as she calls it, "stuck in dysfunctional cycles".

Watch: Nicole LePera on relationships. Post continues below.


Video via Instagram/the.holistic.psychologist

These interactions prompted the relationships expert to explore "why so many of us are struggling in relationships [and] why these patterns are ingrained", she explained on the Voices of Your Village podcast.

Through her research, LePera has uncovered seven traits that she says couples who go the distance all share — and she shared them recently in an Instagram post that quickly racked up more than 250,000 likes.

"As a couples therapist, I noticed seven patterns in couples who 'made it,'" she wrote on social media. Here are her top traits of couples that go the distance.

  1. They had boundaries with family.

"They put their relationship first and had clear boundaries with family," Dr LePera shared.

"They didn't vent to them about issues or make decisions based on what their families wanted. They did what was best for their partnership, together."

Anyone battling in-law dramas, take note!

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2. They were friends.

Okay but we actually love this one.

"They genuinely enjoyed spending time with each other," Dr LePera wrote. "They were excited to come home and catch up after a long day. Friendship was the basis of their relationship."

Naww.

3. They've been through dark times together.

"They had all been through really difficult periods where they were at a crossroads and even had second thoughts," Dr LePera explained. "But they chose to stay together and work through it. This is established trust."

4. They let each other be themselves.

"There was a base level of respect and admiration for each other, rather than a desire to change each other," explained the expert. "This freedom brought out the best parts of each of them."

5. They had difficult conversations.

Ooft, this is one we kind of all know is important, but… don't always love to do.

"They communicated regularly and were open to each other's perspectives," shred LePera. "They didn't cope by avoiding or denying. Emotional regulation was present so conversations rarely became explosions."

Noted.

6. They fought.

Wait… what?

"They got on each other's nerves, they fought, and were frustrated with each other at times. But they knew how to navigate conflict, bounce back, and move forward," explained the expert — and okay, this is this actually so good to know.

7. They made light of each other's quirks.

Turns out that cute banter and bit of teasing is a total green flag in relationships.

"They appreciated and acknowledged the quirks in each other," shared LePera. "Even if they were at times annoying, they made light of them and were never hyper-critical."

So, there you have it: boundaries, friendship, resilience, authenticity, communication, conflict, and quirks — the seven ingredients to a healthy relationship.

Feature image: Getty.