'I reached out to Ajay Rochester about *that* article. Then, she sent me a voice memo.'

Over the weekend, I wrote an article about Ajay Rochester.

It was hooked off this TikTok video, where she shared what it's really like to be on the other side of the media. To be in the spotlight trying to live a normal life. 

She told her followers about the "fallout and what you have to deal with personally" after an Australian publication writes something about you. 

Something that's far from the truth. 

Something that paints your life as 'shameful'.

Something that results in a hateful pile-on from people you've never met.

It was heartbreaking to watch. But sadly, it wasn't surprising. 

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For someone who remains relatively removed from the Australian entertainment industry (Rochester spent a decade in the US), it seems the headlines are always spinning around 'where is she now'.

And after watching her TikTok, I decided to reach out to Ajay for comment. 

I didn't hear back, and I figured that talking to the media about how s**t the media is, was the last thing she probably wanted to do.

Then, I received a voice memo from Ajay Rochester.

With her permission, I thought I would share some of what she said. Including, how the most recent article came about.

"My friend and I were just debriefing one day about some of these Airtasker gigs I'm doing, and he said, 'You should really share this – it's a part of you people just don't know."

When Ajay started sharing her experiences on TikTok, and the different odd jobs she was taking on, she said she received an overwhelming amount of support and kindness from followers. 

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She told me, "I knew that by sharing it there was a risk that someone could pick it up. But I kind of managed to fly under the radar a lot since I've been back [from the US] – so I really didn't think anyone would care enough to write about it. It's a risk, and I was wrong."

After her recent TikTok, Ajay said she was contacted by the journalist, who was angry with her reaction to the article.

"He said, 'I didn't threaten you'. But when you ring someone and you say, 'We've got enough to publish this on our own, but we'd love to work with you" – the reality is that once that door is open and the horse has bolted, you know it's going to be written, anyway."

"People do have to understand that you don't often have a choice about these things coming out, anyway."

"I guess that's kind of why I wanted to have control. I would be babysitting and people would be like, 'I know who you are', so I figured at some point it was going to get out, anyway."

When the article aired, Ajay started receiving messages.

"It's really funny. There are people who never ever contact you and then all of a sudden love to send you articles. And as much as I was proud of the fact that I was doing as much as it took to support my family, you see the iterations of those stories: 'Broke and desperate', 'Falling on hard times' and 'Fall from grace'."

The original article was placed behind a paywall, but before long, her story was spread across other publications, sensationalist headlines in tow. 

"As the story gets spread amongst publications, it gets diluted from the original story. Ultimately, the trolls always get to you first. There's people that are like, 'Welcome to rock bottom – it's what you deserve.' Just awful, awful comments."

When asked how she describes her relationship with the Australian media, the TV host refers to it as "strange". 

"For instance, when I went and volunteered up at the northern river floods – do you think anyone cared about that? I got a van; I went up there; I donated petrol; I stayed there for 10 days; I cleaned out people's houses."

"No one wrote about it. Not a single person. I tried to get a story for donations and reached out to every single outlet – and no one cared. People only care when I do something that isn't held in the highest regard."

Whether it's articles written by a publication or commentary left on social media, it's often forgotten that people read these words. Absorb them. And are hurt by them.

For the most part, the recent slew of articles written about Ajay describe her as "desperate" and "broke", painting the picture of how she earns money as shameful and embarrassing.

She said: "Shame on anyone who tries to shame someone for doing the right thing and paying their bills and keeping a roof over their head."

"Airtasker actually saved my life. I could not have paid my rent. I could not have bought my ticket back home. It literally bought groceries for me some weeks. To be really honest, I wish I'd found it when I first came back to Australia. Some weeks, it has saved me enough money to survive."

While we may have seen a snippet of Ajay's reaction on social media, you only ever see a portion of what's really happening in someone's life. 

Chatting with Ajay, it reminded me of the one thing we often don't see: the impact these things can have on people's mental health. It's huge. And people don't seem to realise.

"One of the common messages people would write is, 'You signed up for it'. Just because I signed up to do a job that happened to be on television, this was never my goal. My goal was to write books, and I got hired because I was an author and ended up on TV." 

"So, when they say 'you signed up for it' – no one tells you at the beginning that signing up for it means journalists chasing you through suburbs while you're in your car. Rifling through your trash. Knocking on your door and calling you and saying we have these stories about you."

"I think that's a common misconception and ideology that you should 'take all of it'. I think we need to readdress the idea that celebrities are 'fair game'. And honestly, the concept of 'celebrity' as a whole. I have a normal job in another country. I just want to get on with my life and the media just continues to kind of try to paint you in a certain way."

"It's interesting, because I do think of people like Charlotte Dawson and Annalise Braakensiek," said Ajay.

"You can see why these people lost their jobs, they lost their future, and they probably lost their income and they probably had been living a very decadent lifestyle and then wondered how they are going to survive – especially when the media was hounding them."

"We really need to discuss the impact of mental health and the media and how they treat people especially when people are not living the golden life – when things have gone differently. I think it's an important conversation we need to have, and the media also have to take responsibly for the power of their words."

According to Ajay, the most important thing people need to understand is that there is no shame in doing what you have to do to support your family.

"I would encourage many people who are struggling to make ends meet to jump on places like Airtasker – I did Door Dash, I did Postmates back in America. I did Rover dog sitting."

"I would encourage many other people to not be ashamed. When you are struggling to make ends meet – especially single mothers – try these little areas where you can do it in your own time and earn that little bit of money." 

"I remember Christmases were always really hard. I did extra work in America and took up background work and audience work. They gave my $8 an hour. Sometimes you've just got to suck it up and do what it takes. I remember when I got my son a TV for Christmas, and I had busted my butt working these horrible jobs. But you forget the work and you remember the joy it brings people." 

Ajay said she wants people to think about how you might feel in that person's position. Think about what that comment or message is going to achieve. What it might cause.

"I'd love to say don't worry about that haters – but I clearly do. It's normal to feel hurt. I just wanted to show that moment when you have all these keyboard warriors who say all this nasty stuff and then they go on about their day and don't actually realise the impact that it has."

"There's no shame in sharing your struggles. The thing about social media is that we believe that people lead perfect lives – but that is just not true."

Feature image: TikTok/@ajayrochster