rogue

'Sorry, Maltesers.' A definitive ranking of Celebrations from best to... DISGUSTIN'.

Christmas is coming, and I want to give everyone the gift of my opinion.

Celebrations are the box of chocolates we only really see twice a year; on our grandma's coffee table while we wait for the holiday lunch to finish cooking and one more time, far back in the pantry cupboard, collecting dust. 

But despite our lack of care throughout the year of Celebrations, it's a truth universally acknowledged that it's the best chocolate box to get at Christmas – so I've made it my personal mission to tell you exactly what choccy from the box you should devour first this festive season. 

...Plus the sweets you should probably just forget about... 

Watch: The 6 health benefits of eating chocolate (like we needed them...). Post continues after video.


Video via Mamamia.

Without further ado, here is my honest (and objectively correct) ranking of the Celebrations chocolate box from worst to best.

8. Bounty 

Image: Mars.

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Listen, I've tried NOT to be a Bounty hater. I've popped one after another in my mouth. And I've hated it every time. 

Milk chocolate stuffed with coconut shavings should technically be the most appealing combination to exist. Unfortunately (for Bounty chocolates), the strawberry and chocolate combo already exists. And it is so much better.

I'd rather not argue about this, pls.

Because in all honesty? Bounty's are just s**t. If you like coconut, then you probably already froth over it. But I don't understand why – and frankly, I don't want to know. 

Rating: 2/10. 

7. Twix

Image: Mars.

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Twix isn't all bad. It's a chocolate bar produced by the Mars Corporation but I mostly just wish it wasn't produced... at... all. 

The white chocolate and caramel Twix bars (which I have linked here because I love to help) are out-of-this-world-good but the original is so unspectacular that I'll likely let it sit in the back of your cupboard until the next December comes rolling around. 

Rating: 1/10.

6. Milky Way

Image: Mars.

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I'll always have a special place in my heart for Milky Way chocolate bars as I grew up with those nougat bits of goodness in my school lunch box. I would often bite off the chocolate bits and roll the leftover nougat into a small ball - so I could 'savour' it. 

I would eventually pop it into my mouth and go on about my day. While I am a little older now with a little bit more self-respect, my grotty days as a gross seven-year-old are not beyond me. 

In saying that, these chocolate bars are not as good as they used to be when I was a kid. There's just not enough going on for me. 

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Rating: 5/10.

5. Malteser

Image: Mars.

Maltesers Teasers are closer to the bottom of my list. Because I am frankly sick of pretending like they're some godly chocolate that deserves all the praise. 

First of all, it's just a ball of malt dipped in chocolate. Second of all, Crunchie bars are literally RIGHT there?!

Rating: 4.5/10.

4. Mars

Image: Mars.

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In my humble and educated opinion, Mars is not that much of an enjoyable chocolate bar. It's just so... plain and the chocolate-malt nougat has a bizarre texture. The caramel doesn't do much to elevate the flavours either. 

Overall, it's not complex enough to stir any excitement within me and whilst I will enjoy it (I use that word generously, btw), I don't think it will ever be the first choccy I reach for. 

However, I completely understand that my Boomer-filled family loves it. And if it has to be in every Celebrations box so my grandparents can enjoy it, then who am I to object? It's probably kinder to their teeth, anyways.

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Rating: 5/10.

3. Galaxy

Image: Mars.

I put Galaxy chocolate bars at the top of my list because I honestly don't get to eat them enough. Maybe I just don't notice them all year round, but I feel as if I never actually see them at the shops. So when I do get a chance to pop one in my mouth, I can't help but feel.... content. 

They're a yummier version of Mars bars and therefore deserve my respect. 

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Rating: 6/10.

2. Snickers

Image: Mars.

I'm completely biased when I say this (LOL, when haven't I been biased in this review?) but Snickers bars are just SO good. 

There's a perfect balance of nougat, chocolate, caramel and peanut. It's the type of combination that doesn't have a flaw. Unless you have a nut allergy. 

Rating: 8/10.

1. Galaxy Caramel

Image: Mars.

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Galaxy Caramel bars are a version of Galaxy bars, except they have caramel encased in them. And my goodness, aren't we just so lucky that someone decided to put them on the shelves? 

Textured, full of flavour and overflowing with caramel? Galaxy Caramel bars were made to love, cherish and tenderly care for anyone who eats one (or ten).

They deserve their rightful place at the top and by god have they earned it. 

Rating: 9.5/10.

Feature Image: Supplied. 

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