Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a prime candidate to hate this ridiculous Elf on a Shelf tradition. For starters, I’m lazy AF. I am. One of my worst character traits. I try to imagine that in a past life it was my very laziness that saved me. Like all the cave people went out to check something out and I stayed back and, low and behold, they were all eaten by a triceratops. I also don’t have a great grasp of any kind of world history timeline or any knowledge of what triceratopes eat. Are they the big ones with the tiny arms? Never mind. I don’t care.
Anyway, I think I was mentioning being lazy. It’s true. For me to willingly take on an unnecessary activity like, I dunno, moving an inanimate object around my house so that my kids think it magically flew in from the North Pole each night, I’d have to alter my entire personality, which sounds almost as exhausting as moving the damn elf to begin with. But I do. I move the elf.
Still, I read all the funny blogs by the cool parents who would never, ever do this stupid thing and I think, hell yes! Until I remember that I do this stupid thing. And what’s worse? I don’t hate it. Who am I? What have I become? It’s a goddamn identity crisis for me.
LISTEN: Passive aggressive Christmas gifts to give your loved ones…
For ye olde record, I’m not clinically insane or anything, well, at least in regards to the elf. I don’t have some bulletin board of faded newspaper clippings with push pins connected by yarn that I tirelessly study to discover the best ever elf idea for Tommy’s adventures. But I also don’t hate on those parents. Elf creativity is like plastic surgery; it’s a victimless crime. And let’s be real. All parenting really is an endless series of giving your kids the childhood you never had. Listen up all you anti-elf parents…your kids are going to embrace this elf thing. You’ll find their elf in the bathroom sink enjoying a mini-marshmallow bubble bath with Barbies, and that’s just the beginning. Yup. It skips a generation.
Top Comments
I can't stand it. Why? I am seeing behaviour modification attempt elves in my fb feed. Your kid might love it that you spend hours every day making up some fancy placement, but I sure don't. Every freaking morning! At least now school's finished the 'Santa wants Tommy to tell Jack he should listen in class if he wants presents' might stop...
This isn't about kids. This is about mothers and their endless need to post stuff on social media. If SM didn't exist neither would this stupid elf.
I don't believe in using the elf for behaviour modification. In my house, the elf is just with all of the other decorations. Ours comes back 1/12 to celebrate with us and goes back with Santa on Xmas night. I need the Facebook posts in my feed to stop too.
doesn't anyone else find the elf to be really creepy? like santa, the idea of this elf scares the hell out of me.