opinion

'You either grew up in a "fart-proud" or "fart-shame" household. It tells me everything.'

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Farts, fluffs, wind, floor-creaks, whatever your family's preferred euphemism, we all do them. But whether you grew up in a "let it rip" household or a "polite retreat" one doesn't just dictate your bathroom habits; it shapes your soul.

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Katie Kjelsaas told Mamamia that the topic is "really less about farts and more about the underlying principles of acceptance, respect and love."

She explained that when children are taught that a natural body process is something to feel shame about, "this can impact identity formation and limit freedom of expression, creating fear about transgressing the stated norm or 'rule'."

And depending on whether yours was a "to gas or not to gas" upbringing, I can usually pick your vibe within five minutes of meeting you.

You either radiate BFE (Big Fart Energy), that unshakeable, "take me as I am" confidence, or you carry the quiet, composed tension of someone who has mastered the art of the silent-but-deadly getaway.

I wasn't raised in a "farts are funny" house. They weren't shamed, but they certainly weren't celebrated. We weren't sitting around measuring decibels or comparing olfactory notes.

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I'd describe us as Fart Neutral.

Watch: Is it time to burp your house? Post continues below.


Mamamia.

But as I've aged, my bowels have become bashful. I am unequivocally loud in personality, a natural over-sharer who will tell a stranger my life story, yet when it comes to sharing wind, I draw a hard line.

I am not an open farter in relationships. That's a hard no. Some things are simply better left to the privacy of one's own company, like plucking chin hairs or eating ice cream directly from the tub.

It's not even the noise; it's the spatial intimacy of the scent. I don't want yours, and I don't want you to have mine.

I would say I don't present as a typical PF (Private Farter). But there are always exceptions to the rule.

When it comes to this topic, popular opinion is divided. This "great divide" recently blew up on TikTok, prompting me to poll my colleagues (naturally) on their gas protocols.

As I suspected, their answers perfectly matched their personas. (Although they all requested their names not appear in such a feature. Weird.)

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1. The domestic libertine.

"My family was fart neutral. Now, I'll fart in front of my boyfriend and think it's crazy that people don't. If you can't fart in your own home, what else do we have in this world? But I don't find it funny or a point of pride."

What this means: These people are the ultimate pragmatists. To them, a relationship is a safe harbour from the performance of being a "civilised human." They aren't trying to be gross; they're just trying to be comfortable.

2. The refined stoic.

"My mum loves to pop one off. But I NEVER fart in front of people. I think it's impolite. Take it somewhere else."

What this means: This is the classic "rebellious prude." They grew up in chaos and decided to build a fortress of decorum.

They value boundaries and likely have very high standards for everything from table manners to email etiquette.

3. The "love me, love my gas" romantic.

"We didn't grow up letting them out, but as I've gotten older, I just don't care. If someone loves you, a little gas isn't going to kill them. Farting in front of your partner is a huge yes. I'm not getting a sore stomach. #LetItOut"

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What this means: These are the evolved spirits. They view flatulence as the ultimate litmus test for intimacy.

Dr. Kjelsaas suggested that we view the first time we pass gas in front of a partner as significant because it is a "potentially exposing act of intimacy."

When you are accepted in a vulnerable moment like that, it builds ongoing relationship security. Maybe this explains why I'm still single…

4. The perennial performer.

"My family are big farters, loud and proud and always gets everyone laughing. Unfortunately, I have carried this into adulthood. I find it hilarious, which my roommates don't always love."

What this means: These are the "Loud and Proud" tribe. They are usually the life of the party, deeply nostalgic, and believe that humour should always trump dignity. They are unapologetic and probably very fun at weddings.

5. The locked-box traditionalist.

"I had a fart-shame upbringing. I can't even say the word. Typing it means I'll need to lie down. I've been married for 26 years and never farted in front of my husband. I am appalled at this conversation... and myself."

What this means: These are the mystery-keepers. They believe that even after three decades of marriage, there should still be a veil of "magic" (and scent-free air).

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They have incredible self-control and likely a very disciplined approach to life, and potentially suffer from stomach aches.

When fart-worlds collide.

What happens when a "Perennial Performer" marries a "Locked-Box Traditionalist"? Dr. Kjelsaas suggested that the free-farting partner may be able to facilitate an "important corrective experience for their beloved by accepting any accidental gas emissions without judgment, shame or ridicule."

However, there is a limit to the "comfort" defence. Dr. Kjelsaas warned that being too comfortable can absolutely diminish the romantic spark if it's associated with a lack of respect.

"If you know your partner is disgusted or made uncomfortable by constant flatulence, and you continue to fart repeatedly in their presence, this isn't comfort, it's disrespect, and it's a killer for all manner of relationships," she said.

"Mutual acceptance, respect and love carry us a long way, with respect to farts and many other things."

So, whether you're an "air biscuit" enthusiast or a "polite retreater," it seems the secret to a happy home isn't just a good air freshener, it's mutual respect.

You can reach out to Dr Katie Kjelsaas at Connections Count or connect with her on Instagram.

Feature Image: Canva.

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