'I help women decide whether or not to have kids with these 5 questions.'

For Keltie Maguire, there wasn't one specific conversation that helped her decide whether or not to have children.

In fact, she was on the fence about the choice for a decade.

"When I met my husband, I was 27, and we always talked about kids as a future thing, not very detailed but saying things like 'when we have kids' or 'if we have kids'," Keltie told Mamamia.

"I just found myself continuously postponing it and having a lot of anxiety flip-flopping back and forth, of course, staring at the (biological) clock. In my early 30s, I said 'I'm just going to postpone this until I'm 35.' And then 35 rolled around, and I still didn't know what I wanted."

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"I had such a feeling of dread around the decision, it felt beyond just a normal feeling of 'I'm not ready for this' which a lot of mums will tell you happens. I really didn't feel ready, which led me to question if this was just not something I actually wanted."

While Keltie saw many examples of individuals or couples who knew they never wanted children or didn't really like children — and so were therefore completely confident in their decision — she didn't fall into either of those camps.

"I didn't hear anyone talking about the decision point, about how did they know, how did they choose. Not all child-free women always knew they wanted to be child-free, but no one ever seemed to speak about the actual decision-making," she told Mamamia.

Feeling isolated and guilty for not having the strong yearning for a baby, Keltie — who worked as a coach in the business and career space — spent a year focusing on what she wanted her future to look like and realised she could apply a lot of her work to her own life.

She also talked about her indecision publicly, including on the podcast, 'We Are Childfree'.

"I had such an outpouring of responses from women emailing me, messaging me, saying 'I have never felt so seen' or 'I cried through that conversation, I thought there was something wrong with me, I thought I was broken'," Keltie shared.

It was the catalyst for her to pivot her work into hosting workshops to help women also grappling with indecision.

Three years later, being a 'clarity coach' helping women with this choice makes up three-quarters of Keltie's business.

So, how do you decide whether to have kids or be child-free?

Keltie says there are a few questions she encourages women to consider when thinking about whether or not to have children.

What kind of life am I building?

What are your highest priorities in life? What do you want it to look like?

What would I choose if other people had no bearing on this decision?

"There's a sense that other people might be right, that you're going to be lonely, or you're going to be missing out when you're older, that you're going to be 'othered'. It's hard taking the child-free path because it feels like you're stepping outside what is still largely considered the norm.

"There are so many external pressures telling us what we should want, so it's about trying to envision how you would feel if the opinions of family, friends and colleagues had no bearing on your decision."

If I felt good about having children, how would that experience need to look?

"I see a lot of people wrapped up in the fears around having children. There's a big shift towards openness and honesty in motherhood which is wonderful, but it's also leaving women feeling really fearful and questioning if motherhood is terrible. It makes it hard when you're happy with your life to decide if you want to gamble it, wondering, 'What if I don't enjoy my life anymore?'

So it's thinking about what sort of support you would want to have, if you are in a relationship, how would you like your partner to show up, and how would you want the experience to be. It doesn't necessarily mean that's what the experience of raising a child is going to look like. You can't control what kind of kid you're going to get, but it's asking, 'which are in my control and which aren't.'  It does allow us to think about what that ideal version of parenthood would be and does that feel attainable, and if not, what sort of amends would I be willing to make to still be willing to do that."

What are my fears about becoming a parent?

"Regret is probably something that underpins a lot of these concerns, people worry they will regret it when it's too late, that they're going to look back on their life and think they took a wrong turn. One of the big fears is the experience of motherhood will be too overwhelming, too difficult, will cause breakdowns in their relationship, or they won't be able to enjoy their hobbies, whatever the different ideas are.

"Our fears can be very telling. What I share with my clients is, the things that are showing up will continue to show up regardless of what we decide, so if you're afraid you're constantly going to worry about your child, the heart outside your body feeling, that lack of control you feel is probably going to show up, or you'll carry with you even if you don't have children so it can be worth addressing it. It doesn't mean we have to overcome all our fears, but they can real be indicators of what's going on within us."

What if both decisions are right?

"What if there's no right answer, there's only the decision you choose? Taking one path doesn't mean you'll feel completely exempt from feelings that might have come up if you went the other way.

"A lot of these fears we have about being child-free people can also plague people who have kids. I give my mum as a reference point. My dad died six years ago and us kids are off doing our different things, living in different parts of the world, and loneliness is certainly something she's experienced to a great degree, and yet she has three children. Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you're not going to be lonely."

Keltie with her husband, Chris. Image: Supplied.

As for Keltie, who is now 42, she says their ultimate decision not to have children was a constant conversation, rather than one moment of decision.

"I'm a pragmatic person, so, of course, there is a small percentage of me that would've liked to have had that experience, and I'm okay with that. I have comfort with the fact there are things I will miss and that may feel painful at times, but that doesn't mean I've made the wrong decision," she said.

"I think that's part of what needs to be normalised with this conversation, we expect the 'right' decision feels 100 per cent good all the time, which is entirely false. No one decision has a monopoly on joy, nor does it mean you're going to be exempt from challenging feelings. That's just part of being human."

How did you decide if you wanted to have children? Tell us in the comments section below.

Keltie Maguire is a clarity coach who helps women decide if the motherhood path is right for them. You can follow her on her Instagram or listen to her podcast, The Kids or Childree podcast here.

Feature image: Supplied.