'I can still raise feminists.' What parenting two boys has taught me about motherhood.

Growing up, if you had asked me how I envisioned myself as a parent, it would always be as a mum to girls. I grew up with my little sister and I loved my Barbie dolls, soft toys, colouring books and later, fashion magazines and boy bands. 

I considered myself a 'girl's girl' with a tight-knit bunch of female friends who I met at school and who I am still very much connected to today. I had a couple of good male 'friends', but on the whole I remember thinking that traditional boys' toys were drab and their choice of TV was similarly unenjoyable. 

As I got older, I learned there is so much more to gender than my normative stereotypical viewpoint. When I was pregnant with my first baby, however; I cannot lie - I was a teeny bit hopeful for a girl. 

Watch: Mia Freedman on being the mother of a son. Post continues below. 

When I found out my first baby was a boy, I felt a weird sense of shock. What would we play? How would I parent a son? Would the toys he wanted still be drab? Of course I fell head over heels in love and none of these things really mattered. 

The second time around, finding out I was having another boy was good news; I felt confident I had this 'parenting a boy' thing down pat and I could re-use toys and clothes. Bonus!

After 12 years raising my two beautiful sons (who have very different personalities), they have tested me, loved me, surprised me, and taught me a lot about myself and motherhood.

Perhaps I would have learned these things as a mum regardless of my kids' gender, but here are my six biggest learnings to date.

1. I still don't really love sport but I am not as bad at it as I thought I was.

I grew up thinking I was pretty bad at sport but looking back, it just wasn't a big focus in my childhood. I never played a lot of anything and then as I got older, I became too worried to try in case I 'looked stupid'. 

My boys love nothing more than sport. They both play cricket and tennis and spend a lot of their free time in the yard practising overarm bowling or handball skills and showing each other absolutely no mercy. It's loud, it's competitive, and it can drive me mad.

But I have spent more hours throwing, kicking and catching balls in the last decade than I ever did as a child. This may have nothing to do with their gender of course, but what being a mum of two sport loving kids has taught me is that while I'm mostly not great, I am not as bad as I thought I was. Plus, sport can be fun! Who knew? 

I'm also trying to remember all the names of the cricketers they watch on YouTube but the names mostly fall out my brain as quickly as they went in. It makes me so happy that they watch both male and female teams and do not know that women playing sport on TV was not part of my childhood.

2. Boys' clothes are simpler and cheaper.

Before having kids, I would look at the cute pink tutus and frocks in the baby departments and fawn over their sweetness. After spending time actually raising and dressing babies and toddlers, I was grateful for the ease and simplicity of boys' clothes. 

Of course, kids can wear what they like, and parents can choose to ignore gendered clothing altogether for their kids if they prefer. My eldest went through an accessories phase as a toddler and my youngest loves bright colours.

I remember being annoyed by the drab colours and angry faces on boys' slippers and gumboots compared with the sweet pastels of the girls'. And why don't the boys sections in department stores include a greater variety of colours? It's changing... but not fast enough. 

As my boys have grown up, they now live in t-shirts and shorts and I appreciate the simplicity and cost efficiency of their choices. However, my eldest has just started showing an interest in fashion with a request for a smart outfit for his year 6 formal that filled me with pride. I may have to up the clothing budget after all. 

3. Gender stereotypes are just that - stereotypes.

My boys have very different personalities, much like the other kids in our lives, and I am sorry I ever thought so stereotypically about what it would mean to be a 'boy mum'.

My preconceptions about what it would mean to mother boys have in some ways been correct. They both love sport and some of the toys and cartoons they have loved are drab. Nerf guns and Thomas the Tank Engine anyone? 

But in other ways, they're not. We all love Bluey, Shaun the Sheep, and Grizzy and the Lemmings and to be honest, the occasional Nerf war is okay with me. 

They are both sensitive souls with a variety of interests and skills and I think raising boys has helped me to see this clearly. I am grateful for the valuable life lesson. 

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4. Simple pleasures can be the best pleasures of all.

As someone who has always loved the creative and cuddly things in childhood, I was hoping I could share my love for some of these things as a mother. 

Luckily for me, my youngest is obsessed with soft toys and has a bed filled with cuddly friends that he adores.

He also loves to draw and colour and we have quite the collection of colouring in books and pens and crayons in a range of rainbow colours that we always take out to cafes or restaurants. I like to sit next to him and colour at the same time which brings me such simple child-like joy. 

My eldest is an avid reader, and I relished the opportunity to revisit all my Roald Dahl books with him as he grew up. I love how having kids has helped me to reconnect with my inner child and experience youthful pleasures for the second time around!

5. I can still raise feminists.

More than anything, I want my sons to be kind humans who respect the world around them and the people in it. They already understand how important gender equality is and I hope they will be strong feminists who understand that the patriarchy benefits no one. 

My eldest son can spot a problematic movie from a mile away thanks to my rants about the male gaze and objectification. He has grown up surrounded by amazing women in his family and smart male and female peers at school. If I die tomorrow and thus contribute nothing else to their future, I hope they will understand their privilege, always respect women, and be kind to all - themselves included.

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6. They might have different interests to me, but that's okay.

When I imagined raising my non-existent kids before I had real ones, I imagined daughters and shopping days, spa treats, or enjoying back-to-back Disney princess movie marathons. 

While my parenting journey has included a lot more sport and a lot less shopping, our household is more interesting because of it. I marvel at my eldest son's guitar playing skills and tennis ability and my youngest son's knowledge of cricket and geography. 

I have learned so much from them as I have grown as a parent.

Whether you are a parent of a girl or a boy or a non-binary child, they are individuals who need love and support and guidance. I have loved getting to know my little humans who turned out to be nothing and everything like me all at once. 

And it's not like I never get to do the spa or shopping days - I just get to enjoy them by myself or with friends. And frankly, that's a win.

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied.