'I refuse to share photos of my daughter on social media. So many people have a problem with it.'

Before I welcomed my first child 14 months ago, I sat down with my husband to discuss how we would approach sharing her image on social media. We both came up with pros and cons, ultimately landing somewhere in no man’s land. 

Of the pros, we obviously really wanted to show off our baby and offer friends and family who lived far away an insight into our new life as a trio. But on the cons side I really had a growing urge to keep this part of my life private and sacred. 

Neither my husband nor I were pushing each other in a strong direction on the topic so we decided to park the decision until after she was born.

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After the birth, like so many, we were in a haze of late nights, sleep deprivation, figuring out breastfeeding and you know, just generally trying to get through each day. So, needless to say, the subject of whether or not to share our daughter on social media took a backseat. 

And while we were figuring out how to do this whole parent thing we decided to abstain from sharing our girl’s face until we had the time to figure out how we felt about it all.

Over the months that followed, without discussing it, my unconscious social media activity started to dictate how I would approach things going forward. Every time I went to share a picture of my little girl, I felt a sick feeling in my stomach and would throw an emoji over her face or end up deleting the whole post all together. 

To me, the benefits of showing off how cute my baby paled in comparison to the fears I felt about exposing her to the public.

My Instagram is not set to private and over the years working in media, it is an important tool for me to use in order to promote my work. As a result, I have complete strangers following me. In the past I have received some pretty unsavoury messages and have had to block quite a few accounts to protect myself. 

With just one screenshot my child’s face could be saved and distributed in a manner that terrifies me. And so to eliminate that fear and protect my daughter, it felt right for me to not share her face. Will it always be this way? I’m not sure, but for now these are the boundaries I am setting for the safety of my family.

Listen to This Glorious Mess, On this episode, Leigh and Tegan chat all about their experience with putting their kids on social media. Post continues below.

This was my decision and my right as a parent. And yet, SO many people have a problem with it. Why?

The first instance where I realised that my actions were bothering people was when I overheard a conversation on the phone between my aunty and my father. In the frank way that she does, she commented how poor my efforts had been in sharing my daughter on social media. 

“I can never see her face! It’s always blurry! There are funny cartoons covering her face!” she exclaimed. I understand that perhaps older generations don’t understand the nuances of online privacy but despite that, I felt like I had taken a bit of a hit.

Another aunty of mine quizzed me in person about my decision, “why don’t you share her?” she said in a tone that felt as if she was suggesting I was the crazy one for not posting about her. 

I began to realise that people weren’t just inquisitive about my decision; they thought I was being entirely too assiduous. 

A few months later I ran into an old friend from high school who had welcomed her first child a year before me. I told her how cute her son was - I had seen the pictures she had shared of him online. 

After showing her some pictures of my daughter, in response she said, “how come you don’t share her? It’s such a shame, she’s so cute. You really should share pictures.”

The thing is, I have no problem with how other people choose to share their children online. I understand the many reasons for and against, which is why I would never begrudge someone for wanting to post about their kids. 

I get it - social media is a place where you can show off the things you are proud of and having these adorable little versions of you walking around, the opportunities are endless with content to post. However, the fact that people couldn’t respect my approach, really started to bother me.

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Then a former colleague shared a meme on their Instagram stories that said something along the lines of, “if you don’t share your kid online I assume it’s because they’re ugly.” It’s dark humour but honestly I had a little chuckle.

Yes, it was a joke but if only this person knew the decisions you have to go through on a daily basis in order to protect your child. I honestly would love to shout from the rooftops how cute I think my child is. I have a camera roll full of 46,000 pictures of her and they’re bloody adorable! 

But at the end of the day, for now, my head and my heart are completely on the same page about this. I won’t be sharing my child online for the foreseeable future and if you have a problem with it, I implore you to find something else to get all hot and bothered about. 

Feature Image: Instagram