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There are few things better than the rose-tinted head-over-heels stage of a new relationship. Intoxicated with a new love, all you want to do is spend time with them. And when you’re not spending all of your days with them, you’re texting and chatting constantly.
Three years into my relationship with Steve (and well into the ‘realities’ of living and being together), I’m still in love, I have no doubt about that, but the way my partner treats me now is different. His behaviour started changing ever so slowly I didn’t notice at first, but now the truth is glaring.
I’m invisible. It certainly feels that way.
Gone are the “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you” texts throughout the day (or anything really, other than “What’s for dinner?”), date nights are completely non-existent and I could leave the house in an astronaut suit and it wouldn’t raise an eyebrow, he pays that little attention to my appearance. (Post continues after gallery.)
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Surely I'm not part of this websites' usual readership, but after breaking up with a recent girlfriend (the relationship was short but I had already known her for a while before), I found your article because of some search terms.
Anyway what would I do? Ahah. Let me tell you what I HAVE done. Shift attention from sexuality for a bit. And just consider how I receive love and am able to rely on others in so many ways (it's just a matter of paying attention). Really appreciating each person, each interaction for what it is.
What I'm saying is, I've temporarily found reprieve in just the kindness of friends and the embrace of nature, my yoga practice and suchlike.
What I'm suggesting is don't minimize the pain, the deprivation you are experiencing in your primary relationship. It shouldn't be this way, and something is very wrong. Don't cheat. But don't just sit on your hands. Process this. Feel the pain, it's teaching you something. It's a pain that many, many others feel. So you are in communion with them because of this pain.
As you process your next steps, whatever they may be, will start to become clearer. I wish you well.
Some might disagree with me, but from my point of view, married 24 years all I can tell you is that a person does NOT change once they have settled into a marriage! I married my husband young and excused many behaviors as his being immature, even though he was four years older at aged 25 at the time. I kept thinking he'd learn from his mistakes. Now, I have lived with such a selfish person for so long, I'm suffering from autoimmune illnesses as well as high blood pressure, migraines, etc! I homeschool our two beautiful children as best as I can with my illness and kick myself every single day for 1)not finishing my degree ( husband had us move out of state during my last semester and he kept finding reasons for me not to finish....Basically, he spent all his money on himself. ) 2) having my children so late and with this person. ( I was 30 before I realized that my husband would always say "next year" to try for kids....I don't recommend doing what I did- I stopped my birth control on my own. It would have been far better to have gotten out of the relationship but I was so beaten down mentally by then....He still tells me I am not capable of taking care of myself. Funny, he doesn't take care of me. He has us all the way on the other coast of the US from any family. I wonder how I'm alive?! and 3) watching him treat our children the EXACT SAME WAY! I stand up for them and try my best to get them support from their charter school but they do not know real unconditional love from a father. I pray for a miracle in my health but the situation is probably exacerbating it. If you can't think of yourself, think of your future children, who absolutely need that affection and attention. Will your partner resent the attention that you MUST give to the baby? ( It's not in their words it's in their behaviors....)
Listen to your gut! Three years is a lesson learned, not a lifetime!!!!