Rob Delaney's son died when he was 2. He says people are 'scared' to talk to him about it.

Actor and TV writer Rob Delaney is opening up about the realities of grief when you have lost a child. 

Delaney, who lost his toddler Henry to cancer six years ago, says it's dealing with other people's discomfort and awkwardness around the subject of his deceased child that brings a lot of frustration.

"They get scared of you. They think they're going to catch dead kid from you," he said on the talk show Loose Women.

"The reality is that there's no right thing to say."

Watch: Parents who have lost a child answer questions. Post continues below.

Many who have lost a loved one under traumatic circumstances can relate.

The story of Walter Mikac would come to mind for many, the Tasmanian man who lost his wife and two daughters during the Port Arthur Massacre.

In Leigh Sales' book Any Ordinary Day, Mikac spoke of how his friends struggled to interact around him following the immense loss Mikac had suffered.

"The one I think about was my friend Doug. One day, I was walking down the street and he was coming the other way. As soon as he saw me he turned and started walking the other way. I sort of had to make a split-second decision. What am I going to do? If I let him go, we'll probably never have a conversation ever again," Mikac recounted to Sales. 

"So I started walking quicker. As I started walking quicker, he was nearly running. I caught up to him and put my hand on his shoulder and as he turned around, he just had tears streaming down his face. I said, 'It's okay, Doug, you don't have to say anything'."

Mikac said having people avoid him because they didn't know how to act was "one of the worst things" he experienced after losing his family. 

It's a sentiment Delaney has said he relates to. 

"I think you should definitely say something. You're never 'bringing up' someone's dead child. They're already thinking about them. So it can be quite a relief when somebody other than you brings it up," he said on Loose Women. 

"Words have their limits as far as usefulness goes. Just being there for people, going to their house and making them a mediocre pie, physically take their kids out to a movie. Do stuff and be there and hold them."

It was in January 2018 that Delaney's son passed away - on the same day as Delaney's 41st birthday. 

He explained that Henry had been diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2016, shortly after his first birthday. Surgery and treatment halted the disease for a few months, but by spring it returned.

"His tumour and surgery left him with significant physical disabilities, but he quickly learned sign language and developed his own method of getting from A to B shuffling on his beautiful little bum," the actor wrote.

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"His drive to live and to love and to connect was profound. I am desperately sad right now, but I can say with authority that there is good in this world."

That goodness and love, Delaney wrote, also lives within his wife and his sons.

"They are why I will endeavour to not go mad with grief. I don't want to miss out on their beautiful lives. I'm greedy for more experiences with them. Thank you, beautiful Henry, for spending as much time with us as you did. We miss you so much."

Recently in this memoir A Heart That Works, which is all about love, loss and fatherhood, Delaney spoke about the grief in not being able to save his child from sickness.

"You believe that it's you who will get them to the right place, via car or taxi or, God forbid, ambulance, and that, once there, you'll sit by their side or maybe hold them in your lap and they'll get what they need. Add a little time to mend, heal, rest, and you'll soon have an exciting story to tell," he wrote.

"That's not always the case, though. Sometimes, the nurses and the doctors can't fix what's wrong. Sometimes, children die. Whatever's wrong with your child gets worse and they suffer and then they die."

Reflecting on writing a book about grief, Delaney has said it was a complicated experience.

While in some parts the process was cathartic and it helped him "organise thoughts and feelings", Delaney also said it was difficult writing about his son's brain tumour. 

"Promoting it can also be very difficult. But it does feel good that other bereaved parents and siblings can read it and feel recognised. It made me realise how wonderful my wife and Henry's brothers have been throughout everything. It made me fall in love more with my family," he explained. 

"I'm glad it's out there, I'm glad I wrote it but that doesn't mean it wasn't a very painful experience."

For support, you can call the 24/7 Red Nose Grief and Loss Support Line on 1300 308 307 or visit rednosegriefandloss.org.au.

Feature Image: Instagram.

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