In many ways, I followed the stable, expected path. Had relationships through high school and university. Got a real job, then a real boyfriend, moved in together and got engaged. We were madly in love, and after a couple of years punctuated with many adventures together, marriage seemed the logical next milestone. We stood in front of our friends and family, and meant it when we promised each other forever. He in a sharp tux, me in a gorgeous dress. Much smiling and dancing, obviously it was meant to be. Right?
Fast forward over a decade to the beginning of last year. We have done all the usual, suburban things; bought a house, gone on holidays, navigated our two kids through daycare and into primary school. Then, suddenly a couple close to us announce their divorce.
Following our friends’ split, we have some interesting discussions. We ponder the recklessness of young, idealistic us making huge life decisions based on romance. We agree that if we met today we definitely wouldn’t get married, and probably wouldn’t even date. My husband breezily dismisses any thought of separating, because of the kids you see. However, this lingers in the back of my mind.
A few months on, an upcoming anniversary prompts more thought and analysis on my part. I reflect that my spare time is spent socialising with friends, and not ever with my husband. And it doesn’t bother me. I am aware that it should. Could there be a problem? He suggests a celebration for our anniversary, and I am filled with dread. It feels empty and forced. This can’t be right.
I become acutely observant of relationships around me, and ask some happily loved-up friends and family for their thoughts on the meaning of life and the secret to happiness. The resounding message was to be grateful you’d found the person you can’t live without. This sharpens my growing sense of dread.
Top Comments
Maybe they could have worked it out, my friends who have long marriages have gone through this stage, ebb and flow, I believe its called? I truly admire couples who can get past the barriers that certain years bring to their marriage... I for one would so appreciate it if life would give me a chace to find a love for once.... it is quite challening as well, to be alone all of one's life... I do wish you the best, you have made your choice, I root for you - and do tell us how you are doing. And perhaps light a candle to some saint that perhaps I may find someone along this path of life.
I have seen this scenario play out before. He will be fine. He will meet someone nice and have a new family. This new family will likely become his primary focus. I hope she meets someone nice too. From observation, women can find it harder to meet new partners. There is not an abundance of decent single guys out there unfortunately.
Taking a step like this is truly daunting, not just because one may never find another person to share our life with, but because producing enough money to take care of kids is not easy either.
'Tis better to be single and happy than in a relationship and not. I'd take alone any day. It's okay if you don't "find" someone. You can date around, if you want. You can not date, if you want. You can just enjoy your life how you want ... whether that is with someone or not.