I wake up on my couch in my living room and I feel my heart sink.
Last night was a dream, right?
This can’t have happened. We had been together for seven years. Less than 10 months ago, we stood in front of our friends and family at our picture perfect wedding and said the words ‘I do’.
It’s over… now what? What do you do once you’ve made the decision that your relationship is over? Mandy Nolan explains in our podcast, The Split. Post continues after audio.
But it wasn’t a dream. It was the morning after my marriage ended.
Let me start by saying, I don’t want to go into the he said/she said part or speak too much about the specifics. It’s too personal, it’s too sad and in truth – no one is to blame. My ex-husband is a good man and I wish good things for him in the future.
From the outset, we did everything we were supposed to do. We dated and after 12 months, we moved in together. We’d travelled internationally multiple times, did the major holidays with each other’s families, we had a long engagement. On paper, we did everything ‘right’.
I guess that was almost the problem. I was so busy checking off the things I should do, I never checked in to see if it was something I actually wanted to do.
You see, I am your classic overachiever. I got straight As at school, I never skipped a day and when I do something – I commit and I am all in. At this time, I was working for myself and I was LOVING doing what I was doing. I was business coaching amazing women, running a successful podcast and making good money – yet no one cared. Every friend I’d see focused on the fact I wasn’t wearing a ring. I could feel pity run over my naked finger as they commented, ‘It’s okay. I’m sure he will ask soon.’
Other people felt the need to have an opinion on my unmarried status as well. I’m not just talking about our family or close friends. I once found myself in a discussion with my Australia Post guy about why our packages didn’t have the same last name. REALLY? It was 2018.
Top Comments
And she never did say why they broke up -- the most important part of a such an article.
It wasn't because they got married, there was something else going on.
I hate when they leave out stuff like that!
I got the impression the relationship wasn't working for a long time before they married - she clearly wanted to get a ring on her finger and made the wedding a priority while the relationship was swept under the carpet. Turns out marriage isn't a panacea for anything. Who would have thunk it?
Yeah, it's rather confusing.
After 7 years together, marriage was suddenly on the table (why now, what was the catalyst?) then after 10 months, divorce was on the table (why now?)
This is like a 200 piece jigsaw - except missing 179 pieces and what's left had a cup of coffee spilled all over it and smudged the remaining pieces
Glad you’re enjoying your travels! I had a similar story except that I really did want to marry my ex but it turned out that for him, he mainly did it because he felt he should. He didn’t really want to be married, which I found out the hard way.
It was very hard at the time, but thanks to counselling, wine, travels, soul searching and family, all has worked out in the end. 🙂