Meet the women who think they don't need to use condoms.

The first time ‘Kate’ had sex after a brutal divorce she was nervous about her body, her breath, her moves and her date’s unfamiliar style.The newness of the experience was so overwhelming she just couldn’t think straight, let alone bring up the condom conversation. “I was 50, I’d only had sex with one man for 20 years, I was nervous as hell, I had to get a bit drunk. When the moment came to talk about contraception I thought bugger it, it’s not like I can’t get pregnant for god’s sake”.

Judith Chaplin-Fleming tells a titillating story about her first sexual adventure after her marriage ended. Judith found the safe sex negotiation all part of the thrill. You can hear her incredible story told with captivating honesty on the Debrief Daily Podcast ‘Just Between Us’ but here’s a taste:

Sex after divorce can range from thrilling to awkward and for women who may not have had a new sexual partner in decades, it’s a daunting new world to navigate. It’s also one that can be dangerous for new explorers. Surprisingly – or not – single women aged over 51 are the most likely age group to have sex on their first date.

And why shouldn’t they?

But according to a Family Planning report, they’re also the most likely to have unprotected sex on a one-night stand. The Sex in Australia Survey found that only a tiny six per cent women aged between 50 and 60 used condoms for heterosexual sex.

If you’re under 45, you have probably never had sex in a world without AIDS. For Generation X in particular, the Grim Reaper campaign had an indelible impact on sexual behaviour. Condoms really came of age in the 80s and teenagers began rolling them onto bananas during sex education classes at school. Baby boomers, however, were most likely ensconsed in marriage during that time. Casual sex was not part of their world and so condoms and conversations about safe sex weren’t either.

Decades later, many of these marriages have ended in divorce and a new generation of sexually active adults have been unleashed into society. A generation with very little understanding or experience of safe sex.

As a consequence, Sexually Transmitted Diseases have risen dramatically amongst Australians aged over fifty. And the Kirby Institute Annual Survey 2012 revealed they’d almost doubled in four years amongst those aged over 60. The largest increase was for Chlamydia but Gonorrhea has risen 44 per cent in the same period and Genital Herpes is also increasing.

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In the first episode of our weekly podcast Just Between Us, my co-host Rebecca Huntley and I noticed two strong, divergent themes on the topic of libido in women over 40. It seemed either flat as a tack due to the unsexy monotony, endless negotiation and multitasking of marriage. Or, desire was suddenly soaring after divorce.

For Judi, negotiating the safe sex was part of the fun but journalist and writer Wendy Squires knows a lot of newly single women struggling to negotiate this new territory. She worries many women feel they should be riding a wave of resurgent sexuality and that encourages them to engage in casual sex they may regret. And despite being in many cases more confident and self assured than they were in their 20s, Wendy points out that the condom conversation is really tricky.

For women who have been married or with the same partner for years or decades the ‘sex talk’ is telling a tween where babies come from or lecturing a teen to be safe. It’s not with a bloke they don’t know very well. ‘Jane’ says negotiating safe sex was as excruciating but as mandatory as getting her first Brazilian wax. One divorcee is even struggling with signals that sex is on the table. She turned up to what she thought was a post divorce cheer-up meal of roast chook at a neighbour’s house only to find out she was desert. Her friends had planned a threesome.

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The fact that STIs are on the rise amongst the over fifties is rarely known, much less discussed, says a lot about our ageist view of sex. We too often assume that men and women over fifty are not getting it on.

Dr Gail Hawkes, an Associate Professor in Sociology at the University of New England studies the experiences of these women and says we are at a historic sexual moment. The swinging women of the 1960s are turning 60. “This is the cohort of women who are negotiating age and sex in a different way. In the sixties and seventies we had to come up with our own ways of doing things now we have to work our own ways of being sexual beings.”

Many of the women she talked to during her research were desperate for information. ‘Rolly’ revealed she didn’t take precautions and she knew this was unwise. But she says she simply doesn’t hear safe sex talked about “It’s mostly in regard to young people getting started, not older people. I suppose we’re expected to know better”.

There’s clearly a market for safe sex films or books that discuss sexual pleasure and changing bodies that may not be smooth and lithe but know what they want. Researchers believe women may want discussion around peculiar problems with safe sex, such as the fact that post-menopause, condoms can be uncomfortable.

So what would a safe sex campaign for a certain age look like? Researchers at La Trobe University’s Australian Research Centre for Sex, Health and Society are about to start a study that will look at safe-sex practices in the over sixties.

Research Officer Dr Bianca Fileborn says the newly single who have not had to think about contraception for a long time are not competent at negotiating safe sex. She also suspects they link contraception to pregnancy, rather than a prevention of disease. Her research will aim to find out what’s stopping the chat about the condom and help devise a new specific sex campaign.

Clearly it’s time to stop thinking of women of a certain age as asexual. There’s a huge variation in desire and libido. To those flying high on a peak while in casual flings, remember this, it’s far more uncomfortable to have gonorrhea than a conversation.

At Debrief Daily we are committed to telling honest, personal stories about the real-life experiences of women. If you would like to submit a story for publication either in your own name or anonymously, we would love to hear from you. Please email us at info@mamamia.com.au