By BERN MORLEY.
So, waiting in line the other day at the self service checkout with my 3L milk and discounted loaf of bread, I craned my neck from the seven-person deep line to see what in the heck was taking so long.
That’s when I spotted her.
The lady who had gone too far with the self-servicing.
No, wait: she wasn’t doing anything untoward. She was simply scanning, oh, a WHOLE trolley full and bagging them around her feet. But then I thought, wait, it doesn’t actually say anywhere that she can’t do that. It doesn’t say ‘Express’. It doesn’t say ’15 items or less’.
There are no written rules.
There are many unwritten rules in life. Ones we should know, either by instinct or ones that we will only know by being told.
I present you with the top 8 unwritten rules in life…
1. Don’t write passive aggressive, vague status updates on Facebook.
‘Tomorrow will be SO much better than today, you can’t break me!’ Or ‘Some people should really think before they speak!’ Who can’t break you?? What did they say? Then when people inquire after them, they fall silent or respond with an equally vague response. JUST. FUCK. OFF. Instead, please simply just say –Jason, I hate your guts, you will pay. Cut the shit people.
2. Never say this to someone with three children or more – ‘You must have your hands full!’
No shit lady. Last time I looked I only had 2 hands, you do the maths.
3. Don’t tell someone they look ‘tired’.
Sure, they probably do look like shit and could possibly do with a bloody good sleep but what do you gain from pointing out the bleeding obvious? What about when someone says that to you and prior to them opening their mouth, you’d been feeling on top of the world, not tired at all. Just like a venereal disease, keep that shit to yourself.
Top Comments
"4. No dicktogs at the kiddie pool.Read more at http://www.mamamia.com.au/s..."
Agreed. I would like to add another rule: fat girls, stop wearing yoga pants. It's disgusting.
I think one of the rules of life should be Dont talk too loud on your mobile phone so everyone is privy to your conversation! Theres another book full of suggestions I could write! Thanks Bern Morley for this article, its brilliant!