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"No one, utterly no one, knew what happened.” Duffy pens essay about her abduction.

This post deals with sexual assault and might be triggering for some readers. 

In 2008, Welsh singer Aimee Duffy released a song that would catapult her to the top of the charts around the world.

In a matter of months, she went from an unknown young woman to a star playing arenas, while her biggest hit ‘Mercy’ played across radio stations everywhere.

Duffy’s unique sound was praised, and her music was compared to other musicians like Amy Winehouse and Adele.

The following year her album Rockferry took out Best Pop Vocal Album at the Grammys, and the pop star quickly moved on to working on her second album Endlessly, released in late 2010.

But after its lead single ‘Well, Well, Well’ didn’t perform well on charts, Duffy announced an extended break from the music industry.

Despite her huge success, there were signs that all was not well in Duffy’s world after her rapid rise. She struggled with being thrust onto the world stage, and missed being just an unknown girl from a small town called Nefyn, singing in her father’s bar and making music on her own.

In a 2008 interview with WalesOnline, the singer confessed she was “borderline on a nervous breakdown”.

“I used to pride myself on being footloose and fancy-free, always having a smile on my face, but I have to be a bit more tough and I don’t know if I can be that sort of person. I still feel like a little girl in the middle of quite a tough thing,” she said.

“As a girl I thought I was super-human but there are pressures about being public in what I do. All the doubts I have are of myself. Can I handle this? Do I want to disappear?”

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Duffy performs at the 2008 MTV Europe Music Awards. Image: Getty.

In 2010, that was exactly what she did.

She dabbled in acting, with a role in 2010 drama Patagonia and as American singer-songwriter Timi Yuro in 2015's Legend, but for the most part, for a decade, the 35-year-old vanished from the spotlight.

Every now and again, an article would pop up on the internet, like: Were you begging Duffy for “Mercy” in 2008? And are you wondering where she is now? and In search of Duffy - the Welsh singer who had the world at her feet.

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Many would wonder what happened to the singer as 'Mercy' would pop up in a Spotify playlist or on the radio.

Then in late December 2019, Duffy posted a simple message to Instagram.

"2020," it said.

The post was deleted, and in February replaced with a statement explaining why she retreated from the public eye all those years ago.

She said she was drugged, held captive and raped by an unidentified person.

She did not go into detail about when the attack happened, but explained she decided to speak about the attack after being contacted by a journalist.

"You can only imagine the amount of times I thought about writing this," she began. "The way I would write it, how I would feel thereafter. Well, not entirely sure why now is the right time, and what it is that feels exciting and liberating for me to talk. I cannot explain it.

"Many of you wonder what happened to me, where did I disappear to and why. A journalist contacted me, he found a way to reach me and I told him everything this past summer. He was kind and it felt so amazing to finally speak.

"The truth is, and please trust me I am ok and safe now, I was raped and drugged and held captive over some days. Of course I survived. The recovery took time. There’s no light way to say it. But I can tell you in the last decade, the thousands and thousands of days I committed to wanting to feel the sunshine in my heart again, the sun does now shine."

Then over the weekend, Duffy released an essay going into further detail about her horrifying experience.

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"It was my birthday, I was drugged at a restaurant, I was drugged then for four weeks and travelled to a foreign country. I can’t remember getting on the plane and came round in the back of a travelling vehicle," she wrote.

"I was put into a hotel room and the perpetrator returned and raped me. I remember the pain and trying to stay conscious in the room after it happened. I was stuck with him for another day, he didn’t look at me, I was to walk behind him, I was somewhat conscious and withdrawn. I could have been disposed of by him."

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She said she did not know "how I had the strength to endure those days, I did feel the presence of something that helped me stay alive".

Upon returning home, she "sat, dazed, like a zombie". She did not immediately report the abuse out of fear, and was haunted by a period of extreme isolation.

"No one, utterly no one, knew what happened. It kept me removed from those I could actually trust. Mostly I did not want to trouble anyone else with what I had experienced."

She retreated from people she knew, including her family, and moved five times in the three years afterwards. In her fifth house, she finally felt safe and found herself beginning to heal.

During those years, she spoke only to a psychologist, an expert in complex trauma and sexual violence, and only disclosed the identity of her abuser to two policewomen.

"The identity of the rapist should be only handled by the police, and that is between me and them," she said.

She wanted to share her story to help her own healing and wished peace for other survivors.

"I'm telling you all this to put my wounds to the light where the dark can no longer keep me. I would not be telling you the account of my experiences if I did not now know true healing...

"When the ordeal happened, it destabilised me so severely, it took years and years, around 90,000 hours. I sometimes didn’t know how I could make it through, it was hard and almost impossible. But I got here, as will you. Hallelujah," she said.

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She could not know what was next for her, but she said that when she sings, she feels "like a bird".

"But it's not what this is directly about. I’m doing this to be freed, for all of me to be freed. What follows remains to be seen... I know this much though, I owe it to myself to release a body of work someday, though I very much doubt I will ever be the person people once knew.

"My music will be measured on the merit of its quality and this story will be something I experienced and not something that describes me."

Giving only a handful of interviews in the period since she retreated from the limelight, Duffy told Esquire magazine in 2013 she took a step back after "it all got so complex".

"I was serenading people to sleep, not running NASA. Suddenly I was a product, an enterprise, a businesswoman. But mostly I wanted to be human."

In 2014 her former producer Bernard Butler said she "went off the rails" after being "hurled into the fire" of fame.

After a long period of silence, we have finally learned Duffy's story - on her own terms.

This article was originally published in February 2020 and has been updated on April 6, 2020. 

If this post brings up any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. It doesn’t matter where you live, they will take your call and, if need be, refer you to a service closer to home.