'I tried being a gentle parent for a day and... no.'

Listen to this story being read by Laura Jackel, here.

In case you missed it, 'gentle parenting' is an umbrella term popularised by mums on TikTok who use the medium to showcase a style of parenting that is, you guessed it, gentle.

Gentle parents, like 'mindful parents' or 'intentional parents', are calm. They don't yell or get cross because no one has their shoes on and it's 8.55am on a Monday. They simply and calmly enquire if there is a reason the shoes are not on, and then collaborate with their child to problem solve the issue.

Easy, right?

Watch: Superwoman is dead. Post continues below.

According to a piece in The New Yorker by Jessica Winter, gentle parenting "centres on acknowledging a child’s feelings and the motivations behind challenging behaviour, as opposed to correcting the behaviour itself".

The main pillars of gentle parenting include empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries, so what's not to like?

As a parent of two boys, I am always trying to acknowledge my kids' feelings empathically and operate respectfully when faced with challenging behaviour. 

But because I am human, I also get cross and occasionally lose my s**t when confronted with challenging behaviour. Because who always has the time to understand the reasoning of a five-year-old?

I thought, however, given my lack of patience and propensity to bark orders, I should give the whole collaborative approach a whirl.

As a gentle parent-in-training, I had a lot to learn. I have used a sticker chart for our youngest son for years and I have always been okay with using 'time out' and a bit of a directional command to move things along. 

I have resorted to bribery to get kids in the car or to bed. For these sins I am (sort of) sorry, but my kids get plenty of cuddles and are told we love them every single day. No one goes hungry and when someone has big feelings or is out of sorts, I give them my attention and do what I can to help.

However, on days when I am not my best self, I am wracked with guilt because I yelled or was impatient and clearly this is where gentle parenting techniques could help me.

I decided it would be best to start small – and after I had my morning coffee. A tip on parents.com said to be less demanding and practice kindness and compassion AT ALL TIMES. 

Instead of using instructional commands when your kids' shoelaces are undone, the article suggests taking the gentle approach and making it a suggestion: "Do you think it's an idea to tie your laces in case you trip over?"

In theory, I like this idea. But in practice, when I am trying to get the kids ready and out the house, there is not always time for gentle suggestion.

I am sorry to say that most mornings, I am that parent who barks commands about putting socks and shoes on while trying to put a load of washing away and drag a brush through my hair. It's hardly the stuff of aspirational parenting content, but it is my reality and I know I am not alone.

But it doesn't mean I can't learn and improve, so with one coffee down, I attempted my first morning as a gentle parent.

It was going well until the inevitable 'getting dressed' stage. I kept my voice calm, and I offered to help find the always-missing shoes. I'm not sure my boys noticed my gentle probing in place of my usual snappy barks, but they made half-hearted attempts to look for the shoes while I did the actual locating. 

I counted it as a gentle parenting win.

As I got the school lunches made while being shot at with Nerf guns, I was initially steadfast in remaining calm and gentle. But when they began wrestling and shouting at each other, my commitment to the collaborative approach lessened.

@lauralove5514 Every behavior is your child trying to communicate with you ♥️ #TeamofTomorrow #JetPuffedSmourth #fyp #foryou #toddler #montessori #gentleparenting ♬ original sound - LauraLove

Eventually my patience wore thinner and my voice got louder to compete. At one point, I yelled at them to "just stop!" before threatening to remove all weekend privileges (a big gentle parenting no-no). At this point, I realised that I had failed my experiment after just one hour.

Sorry, kids.

My two boys are (of course) beautiful humans. I'm told they behave well at school and sometimes they are very sweet; with our cat, with their younger cousins, and even with me and each other, especially when they notice that someone is sad or unwell. 

But they are also loud, competitive brothers who like to wrestle and chuck cushions at each other's heads. I realised that the gentle parenting technique was going to require a lot more work on my part and that maybe starting on a time-poor school day morning was just dumb.

I decided that while there is a lot I could learn a lot from watching gentle parenting TikToks, I just needed more time. And possibly more patience. And possibly a personality transplant.

I walked them down to school feeling mildly sheepish, resolved to trying the gentle parenting techniques another time. 

I gave them their usual hugs and kisses at the school gate and watched them chattering to each other as they made their way to inside. They smiled and waved at me and my guilt subsided.

I saw two happy boys snug in their school jumpers with shoes on (remarkable!) and school bags filled with (relatively) healthy lunches.

They are loved, they know they are loved, and really, there are many ways to be a good parent. 

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied/TikTok @laurajackel.

Want to win a $50 gift voucher? Complete this survey now to go in the running!