'It's... unusual.' For a week, I only drank non-alcoholic 'alcohol'. Here's my honest review.

I'm not a big drinker. I'll maybe have 1-2 drinks a week... or even a fortnight. 

However, while I may not consume a lot of alcohol, when I do have a drink, I enjoy it. And at a recent night out at the theatre, I was struck by an observation.

As I lined up at the bar before the show began, I considered my liquid options: a standard conundrum between gin and tonic, or wine. Then, as my eyes flicked across to the beers list, I noticed something rather surprising. 

There were more zero alcohol offerings than the beer and cider list. 

While I'm wasn't entirely surprised - I have witnessed the steady creep of zero alcoholic options across shelves at the local liquor shop, I was taken aback to see it as a dominant offering.

And I've got to be honest with you: I've long had a little scoff at the zero alc movement. But pause the outrage and hear me out...

I understand (and encourage) the need for non-alcoholic options on a menu. Of course! But going to a party and drinking a zero alcoholic drink, masquerading as alcohol by way of packaging or product, just feels like...another fad.  

Is it peer pressure, to keep up the appearance of alcohol consumption? (And really, I'm not mocking here, because I know that pressure is real.)

You see, a few months ago, I went to an event, and I decided I would skip the booze. My health hadn't been the best, so I had been advised to steer clear of all things joyful: gluten, dairy and alcohol. 

I still had a glass in my hand most of the evening - just with the rather banal offering of juice or water - and still, I was interrogated by multiple people (none of whom I actually knew) throughout the evening for why I was not "getting on it". 

It didn't bother me, because... umm okay. But also, since when did strangers become so heavily invested in my choice of libation?

But it made me think a little deeper about those who choose to steer clear from alcohol permanently; for health, personal or religious reasons. The relentless questions they must face amidst the drinking culture of Australian society. 

So, I put the zero alc judgement aside and decided to open my mind - and my mouth - to try. Maybe it is worth a go? Particularly as we're in the thick of the holiday season, where excess is aplenty.

So, I committed: one week, only zero-alcohol.

This is how it went. 

Drummerboy Non-Alcoholic Mexican Agave.

Image: Rebecca Davis.

Day/Time: 

Thursday, 6.48pm.

The Scene: 

Packing boxes with my friend Eli, who's moving house tomorrow. The glasses are packed, so we drink from whatever vessels we can find: polka dot spotted paper cups. 

The Accompaniments:

Salted pistachios in the shell, vegie chips, pizza ordered and on the way... and packing tape. 

The Promise:

"Nose - Lemon, saline, agave, chamomile and pine make the perfect bandmate."

"Palette - Notes of lemon, roasted agave and a peppery spice."

The Experience:

This Mexican Agave is responsible for popping my non-alcoholic alcohol cherry. And first up, it's confusing. 

The sexy packaging is exactly what one would expect from its alcoholic cousins... but it's not. 

It also smells like alcohol... but it's not. 

"It's a head f*ck," I remark.

"I feel like I'm going to be stumbling after this," Eli adds. 

And so we go hard: Straight, with ice. 

"Salut!"

"It's... weird," I retort. 

My friend comments that instead of the usual 'alcohol burn' sensation, she feels a 'peppery burn'. 

Perhaps we are not drinking this in the way God intended. 

So, out come the mixers: Strangelove Salted Grapefruit Soda.

... And now we're talking! 

The salt and sourness create a pleasing harmony. 

On the upside, it's quite low in sugar too. Another tick. 

To be honest, if someone handed this to me and said 'you're drinking an alcoholic beverage', I'd be inclined to believe them. 

The Verdict:

7/10. Fun for party time, but definitely add a mixer!

Paradox Zero Alc Grenache.

Image: Rebecca Davis.

Day/Time:

Saturday, 5.32pm.

The Scene: 

It's a warm afternoon at home. I've just finished cleaning my apartment, and it's time to sit on the balcony with a book and relax. 

The Accompaniments:

Nora Ephron, and the sun. 

The Promise:

"This grenache has had the alcohol gently removed and remains full of flavour. Delicate raspberry and red plum aromas, with delicious red fruit and sweet spice flavours."

The Experience:

The wine is a colour unlike anything I've seen before... almost hot pink to pour. I am seduced, and optimistic. 

On the nose it's... unusual. Conjuring steak and... Burger Rings? Surely not. 

Bottoms up!

It's sweet to begin with, reminiscent of raspberry cordial, but ooooh dear, what is happening? It tastes like it has been over-fermented?

I go back in for another sip. 

No. No. No. 

I cannot, thank you very much. 

The Verdict:

3/10.

Paradox Zero Alc Pinot Noir.

Image: Rebecca Davis.

Day/Time:

Saturday, 5.34pm.

The Scene:

Still on my balcony, clinging to hope.

The Accompaniments:

Nora Ephron remains.

The Promise:

"This pinot noir has had the alcohol gently removed and remains full of flavour. Lively aromas of strawberry and red cherry, with delicious spice and red berry fruit flavours."

The Experience:

It's been four minutes, and I'm back again, because I don't give up that easily. I will enjoy a glass of 'wine' over my book, dammit! 

And so I've pulled out the second Paradox bottle - this time, Zero Alc Pinot Noir - and a prayer for a redemptive experience. 

The colour is deeper and so is the smell. Earthy. Almost mushroom-like.

It's definitely better than the grenache. More wine-like. Smoother. But on the second sip, the sharpness slaps again. 

This is not wine. I'm sorry, I can't pretend. 

The Verdict:

5/10.

NON3 Toasted Cinnamon and Yuzu.

Image: Rebecca Davis. 

Day/Time:

Sunday, 11.42am.

The Scene:

Impromptu Sunday brunch with BF.

The Accompaniments:

Roasted almonds, medjool dates, cucumbers, scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, toast. 

The Promise:

"Bright, tart and balanced with a savoury undertone."

The Experience:

It was....actually... delicious!! A glass of sunshine!

It delivered exactly on the promise. It's mellow, and so pleasant, and reminds me of something that I still can't quite put my finger on, but this is IT. 

The citrus is refreshing, and the flavours are not overpowering, but there is depth too. 

*Refills glass*

The Verdict:

9/10. Would happily drink again!

Minchinbury Zero Alc Shiraz.

Image: Rebecca Davis.

Day/Time:

Tuesday, 9.04pm.

The Scene:

It's a Netflix-binge situation at home. If I am going to have a perve into the lives of the young and good looking real estate agents in Beverly Hills and the exorbitant homes they sell, I will do so with alcohol zero alcohol... and my mum.

The Accompaniments:

Envy. And mum. 

The Promise:

From the bottle label - "This wine has had the alcohol gently removed and remains full of flavour. Ripe red plum and dark cherry fruit aromas, this wine is delicious and soft, with fine tannin and a medium finish."

The Experience:

I'll be upfront with you, okay? This one actually has 0.5 per cent alcohol. But I promise I will pace myself. 

Despite my last questionable red experience, my sense of optimism has been reborn, and I am open and ready to try again. 

And I had read good reviews for this drop online, so fingers crossed! 

Cheers!

Mum's face has contorted in a way I'm not sure I've ever seen before. 

I... I don't mind it. It is more full-bodied and flavoursome. 

But is it vaguely similar to a regular shiraz? No, sir. It is not. 

I made it through the glass though!

The Verdict:

6.5/10. Not... bad.

Overall...

Look. On the whole, I was pleased to put my zero alcohol experience behind me. I appreciate the effort, but at the end of the day, it felt like imitation. 

There were two pleasant surprises that I must shout out: The NON3 Toasted Cinnamon and Yuzu and the Drummerboy Non-Alcoholic Mexican Agave. 

While they didn't quite convince me they were a replacement for alcohol, they were still really enjoyable alternatives and my top recommendations for those who wish to ease their way into the non-alc world. 

Personally however, if I needed/decided to steer clear of alcohol, I'd probably stick to a mocktail, or take a straight up grape juice. 

That, I can drink to!

Keen to read more from Rebecca Davis? You can find her articles here, or follow her on Instagram.

Feature Image: Mamamia/Rebecca Davis.

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