'I couldn't stand up, I was in that much pain.' Brittany Hockley shares her IVF journey.

Brittany Hockley has shared what motherhood might look like for her in the future.

The Bachelor star, podcast host and now I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Australia hopeful has revealed she's undergone the IVF process again after a previous attempt was unsuccessful.

"For six months there, I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to have a child … I did wait six months, until I mentally felt like I could go through it [an egg freezing cycle] again," she told the Something To Talk About podcast. 

Watch: A look back on Brittany Hockley and Laura Byrne on No Filter. Post continues below. 

"I did it [IVF] again and my doctor said, 'let's just go and put you in hypo-ovarian syndrome, just on the cusp.' She's like, 'I'm going to pump you full of so many hormones.' And it was the worst three weeks of my life. It was so horrific."

It was Hockley's fourth time undergoing the process, and her boyfriend, Swiss football player Benjamin Siegrist, flew to Australia "for three days for the creation of the embryos" and to be there for her.

The process was so physically demanding that she "couldn't even sit down" due to the pain. 

"I couldn't stand up. I was in that much pain because the hormone dose was so high."

The process resulted in "three genetically tested and, okay, embryos that are now in the freezer".

But while she might be "stoked" about the outcome, she confessed she still has to remain realistic that the eggs might not result in a baby.

"... Three doesn’t mean anything, either," she said. "Three could be one child. Three could be none. Three could be two. But it's better than not having any."

She's currently battling it out in the South African jungle on I'm A Celeb with other notable figures, including Malcolm in the Middle actor Frankie Muniz and reality star Skye Wheatley. Hockley is hoping to raise awareness for RizeUp Australia, a charity that supports victims of domestic violence.

While the reality star may be one of the biggest names in Australia, she confessed there is still a profound sense of isolation that comes with having a public profile.

"In my 20s I was a hospital worker and worked as an emergency radiographer for 13 years all around the world. I was truly happy and I lived a pretty simple life. I didn't have social media," she told Clare Stephens on Mamamia's podcast But Are You Happy? in September 2023.

Hockley said she is proud to have an award-winning podcast with her co-host Laura Byrne, but there's been a "constant battle" along the path to public success.

"I've never gone to a psychiatric facility, I haven't been on antidepressants. But I have a real struggle with mental health and feeling very, very low. And there's definitely been points in my life where I should have been on antidepressants," she noted.

"I would hate for anyone to look at me from the outside and be jealous of what I have. Because it's really important that people remember, there's so much behind the scenes that you don't see."

For the best part of a decade, Hockley was single. 

It was a conversation had regularly via her podcast, fans of hers listening intently to her dating stories and journey.

Then she met Swiss footballer, Benjamin Siegrist, who is a goalkeeper for Scottish team Celtic Football Club.

"I did have some really horrific relationships, publicly and privately. I always just thought, when I finally fell in love, it would be that missing little puzzle piece to make my life complete," she said.

"I figured I wouldn't stress, I wouldn't worry about anything else."

Of course, reality soon hit Hockley like a tonne of bricks. 

Although she and her partner are incredibly happy together, life circumstances still mean hurdles have had to be faced. They both live in different countries, there is an age difference between the two, with Siegrist being five years younger, and Hockley confessed she feels the pressure of her internal fertility clock ticking away. 

"I'm 36, I don't have kids, and I have some fertility issues. I'm doing my second round of egg freezing. I'm not saying I'm trying to have a baby now. But these are the things you think about at 36. And I hate being that woman that puts a number on the biological clock, but it's there and whoever tells you it doesn't matter is lying," she said on But Are You... Happy.

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Even the process of egg freezing itself can be a really challenging experience — lots of women say they experience a lot of internal competitiveness and self-criticism. 

"I had all these friends that have had abortions, miscarriages, accidental pregnancies, pregnancies very easily — you name it. And I've never had anything. And so in the back of my mind, I always thought what if my body isn't going to be able to do it," she explained. 

With that in mind, Hockley feared her fertility wasn't exactly stellar. So she told herself and others that being a mother wasn't high on her priority list. Deep down though, she felt differently.

"I'm 36, in love, and it is literally all I think about. Pregnancy consumes probably half of my day, half of my brain space. Can I do it? When will I do it? How will I do it? What will it look like when I do it? Where will I have to move to do that? How much is it going to cost me because it probably won't happen naturally? If it does happen naturally, the statistics of something being wrong with my child are higher. It's just all you start to think about. 

"I feel lucky, you know, I'm not falling pregnant or having miscarriages. And I know a lot of people are. But I understand the brain space it takes up because it's a decision that changes your entire life."

Social media certainly doesn't help either.

"Comparison culture is alive and thriving. And it's no thanks to social media. Of course, we love and we hate social media at the same time. It's hard," she notes.

With all of this in mind, Hockley wants you to know one thing — happiness is a work in progress. And so too is self-confidence and self-love.

"I would say I'm content. If I had to pick on the spectrum now if I'm more happy or more unhappy, I'd say more unhappy. I love my job, I love my family and where I live. But there are a lot of personal things that I'm battling at the moment, and I battle them daily. And I would hate for people to think that I did live a perfect life," said Hockley.

"What I want people to know — life isn't always what it seems."

This article was originally published on September 14, 2023 and has since been updated with new information.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

Feature Image: Instagram @brittany_hockley.