'I woke up to 43 "congratulations" messages from my mum friends. But I wasn't pregnant.'

A few weeks ago, I tested positive to COVID for the third time. It was a nasty strain and I went down like a sack of sh*t – achy, feverish, exhausted, constant headache, the whole thing. I sent a pic of my positive RAT, with its telltale two lines, to a male friend.

"Oh noooo," he texted back. "Hopefully it’s not too bad and you feel better soon."

Feeling sorry for myself and perhaps wanting even more sympathy – I'm a giant baby when it comes to illness – I went to the platform beloved by all attention-seekers: Instagram.

Opening up my Stories, I posted the pic of my positive RAT with the caption "I thought we were done with this whole thing". I added an exasperated-looking emoji for good measure. Tired and sick, I retreated to bed, put my phone on Do Not Disturb and fell into a feverish sleep.

Watch: Let's Talk Pregnancy. Post continues below.

An hour later I woke up and blearily reached for my phone to see what time it was. I was surprised to see 43 new messages on WhatsApp, not to mention a bunch on Instagram as well.

"Congrats!" one of the messages, sent by a female ex-colleague, read. 

"OMG," said another, from a girl I'd gone to high school with.

Over on WhatsApp, my Mum's Group chat was popping off. This was unusual: we had our babies back in 2020, and the other four mums in the group are onto their second kids now, so it's not a chat that sees a lot of action these days. 

"CONGRATS JOSIE!" one of my friends had said. Through my COVID haze, I was so confused. 

"Wait, what have I missed?" another mum had chimed in.

"On Instagram!" the first mum responded. "Oh wait," she added, after a moment. "I'm an idiot. I thought it was a pregnancy test!"

The next messages were from the other mums all working through their confusion while I'd slept through it all. 

"Ha ha," I finally wrote, and added in my typical joking manner: "God, I'd rather have COVID for a third time than have another three-year-old."

Over on Instagram, I opened up the "Congrats!" message and replied: "Thanks. It's a COVID test." The girl replied with "Oh lol, sorry! I thought pregnancy test."

I went back and looked at my post, wondering if it had been a bit misleading. But RATs are so recognisable by now, plus mine had on it (in tiny writing) "COVID-19 test". That teamed with my rather negative caption made it a pretty strange way to announce baby number two, I reasoned.

The test that confused Josie's friends. Image: supplied. 

But I made another post with the same pic and a new caption, saying: "This is a COVID test by the way! A few of my mum friends thought it was a pregnancy test, which just shows what kids do to your brain."

I started to feel weird about it. My post, which I'd thought was pretty stock-standard COVID stuff, had somehow snowballed. I went back onto my Instagram Story and deleted it all before more people got a pregnancy jumpscare. In my fragile state, I didn't think I could handle another congratulations message.

Unbeknownst to my friends, their well-meaning responses had taken me to an uncomfortable place. As a mother of a four-year-old, I'm often asked if I'm going to have another baby, or even more presumptuously, when I'm going to have another one – as if it's a foregone conclusion.

I'm in my late 30s, have been with my partner for well over a decade, and already have one kid. In society's mind, the next logical step is to have another.

And it's not just everyone else. I've also been wrestling with the "next step" myself – which is why the response to my COVID test took me to that awkward place. It's not a decision you want to think about when you're in the thick of illness, because it's a huge one.

A lot of mothers know very quickly after baby number one whether they want another. Or perhaps having multiple kids was always the plan for them. I'm different in that I'm yet to feel that urge. Instead, all I feel is uncertainty.

What if I have another baby and it is difficult? Won't feed, won't sleep? What if my daughter hates having a sibling? How will I deal with giving my body over to a baby again during pregnancy and postpartum, the disruption to my work life and my nice little routine? 

I can turn these questions over in my mind again and again, and the truth is I'll never know the answers until I actually do the thing. 

I thought it was interesting that none of my male friends saw the post as pregnancy-coded. What the responses showed me is that, maybe without even knowing it, they're expecting a pregnancy announcement from me. It was nice that they were so excited, but I hope they won't be disappointed if that announcement never comes.

I'm still on the fence, and maybe I'll sit on that fence for a while. Perhaps, heaven forbid, I'll get COVID for the fourth time before I make any kind of baby decision. 

But I'll definitely be keeping the test to myself if that happens!

Feature Image: supplied.