Mamamia recaps FBoy Island: This FBoy pillow fight will be etched in our brains forever.

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The miscellaneous FBoys are asking Abbie Chatfield for forgiveness as if she's God, and honestly, fair.

"Confession, I'm a d*ck," Eric says.

We know darl!

Meanwhile, the exiled Nice Guys are lounging on the beach in clothing that they absolutely should not be lounging on the beach in. I'm suspicious. Would a true Nice Guy wear DRESS SHOES to a beach cabana? Doubtful.

At the villa, the women are de-briefing on the previous night's elimination, where one FBoy cried because his other FBoy mate got booted out. 

Ziara has gotten the ick from Darcy and Cory. And no, it wasn't the chocolate bath that did it. It was the whole treating Ziara like property instead of a human being with agency thing.

They reckon they need a game plan for the day, which boils down to 'turn the heat up'.

Aaaaand cut to an FBoy pillow fight.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT.

They are wearing only underwear stuffed with feathers and I'm officially scared.

Mr 'I wearCalvin Kleins' definitely initiated this. Image: Binge.

Today's group date is a classic game of kiss, date... pie. It's the PG version of f**k, marry, kill and THIS is the line? YOU JUST AIRED GROWN, SHIRTLESS MEN HAVING A PILLOW FIGHT.

Abbie warns that there is a twist that will change reality TV as we know it, so I bet it's intruders.

Oh yes.

It's intruders.

Lakshya is mad about the addition of more actual, physical penis to the group. I am too, when I see how tight one new man's white shorts are. Sir, is that not painful?

Pause.

White shorts just said "if I could f**k myself, I would".

You cannot say that on television and think it will not be highly embarrassing for you. His name is Simon but from here on out, he will always be known as Mr F**k Himself to me.

He is allegedly a Nice Guy, along with a man named Vernon who has a mullet and TWO gold chains.

Another man has a face tattoo and says he is in touch with his emotions.

It's Ziara's time to play kiss, date, pie. She wants to know the craziest place Caleb, Mr F**k Himself and Darcy have had sex.

Caleb begins this story with 'in a closet' and someone behind him parrots 'in a CLOSET?'. This show is so effortlessly funny.

Mr F**k Himself once f**ked in a cave and so true. He has big caveman energy.

"It was makin' love, it wasn't f**kin'," he says, which unfortunately all the women love.

Ziara opts to date Caleb, kiss Mr F**k Himself and SMACKS DARCY STRAIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A PIE. 

It's Molly and Sophie's turn to play and oop – they're not even going to show us. Instead, circus music plays while subtitles tell us about the clown show.

We learned:

• Mikey cheated on his ex-girlfriend because she didn't speak to him for two weeks.
• Sean hasn't been cheated on and definitely has not cheated! No! Of course not!
• Vernon has been single for six months (or has he...? Dun dun dun).

At the mansion, the dudes try to figure out which of the intruders are FBoys, and land on: all of them.

Sophie talks to tattoo man Chris even though she still wants to climb Justin like a tree, Darcy calls Mr F**k Himself "goofy looking" (coming from a man who wore a matching pink pineapple set earlier in the day) and Vernon comes out as a 'relationship guy'.

But then Mitch realises he was talking to Vernon's ex-girlfriend on Instagram a while back ("askin' her how she's single cause she's gorgeous" NOOO) and she told him her boyfriend broke up with her to go on FBoy Island.

So he starts tell EVERYONE. Because Vernon LIED. Earlier. When he said he'd been single for six months. Who could have foreseen this?

Mitch has never had a main character moment quite like this and the man is thriving.

The next morning, after everyone in the mansion and also all their ancestors have been told about Vernon's FBoy ways, it's single date time.

Ziara and Izaya have a very cute date on the beach where they bond over being sweaty humans.

Sophie's invited Benny over because she likes him even if she doesn't like how he always yells "BRUV" at the other men. They make an eggplant and peach salad while saying things like "put it in my mouth" and "open up, wide" because this show is nothing if not subtle and chill.

Insert penis joke here! Image: Binge.

Speaking of, Molly and Vernon are continuing the focus on innuendo while "rough" off-roading on the beach. And then she decides 'Verno' can't be an FBoy because he doesn't run away screaming when she says she wants four kids.

ANYWAY.

It's elimination time.

Sophie's bottom two are smiley nervy Nico and town gossip Mitch, because she reckons Nico's an FBoy and Mitch got too comfortable being the main character.

Abbie asks him to tell the story for the 2856th time, because she and Molly happen to be the only two people on this earth who have not heard it yet.

Molly promises to grill Vernon later but Sophie gets her opportunity now. BECAUSE MITCH HAS INADVERTENTLY F**KED HIM, and not in a Mr F**k Himself way, BY TELLING THIS YARN.

It means he also had Tinder downloaded only a week before going on this show ~for love~.

Image: Binge.

Ziara's are Lakshya, because she feels like he's too cocky, and Corey, because she worries that he thinks it's 1846 and she is his property.

Molly has chosen Mikey because he's a cheater and Sean because he definitely lied about not being a cheater.

We say goodbye to official FBoy Mikey, whose reveal video just gave me the greatest ick I have ever felt IN MY LIFE.

Lakshya and Mitch are also booted, and ALSO REVEALED AS FBOYS.

YASSSSSSS LADIES.

See you soon for episode four!

FBoy Island is streaming on Binge.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Binge.