Mamamia recaps FBoy Island: We need Molly and Nick to ride off into the sunset together RIGHT NOW.

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The eliminated Nice Guys are licking papaya and there is nothing I have needed to see LESS in my whole life.

Each of the women is down to their final three and their prospects are... interesting:

• Sophie has Nice Guy Draco, Benny Bruv and lowkey FBoy Joshy.
• Ziara has two Nice Guys in Izaya and 30-something Cory, and certified FBoy Caleb.
• And Molly has sweet angel man Nick, who she should just ride off into the sunset with RIGHT NOW, plus FBoys Sean (boo!) and Vernon (BOO!!!!!!).

Today's group date is a VERY sexy photoshoot.

There are paddles and costumes and... whips, and Benny has never been more excited.

Ziara's photoshoots are very hot, which makes sense because everyone involved is... very hot.

The best part is when she and Izaya kiss and Cory gets mad.

It's fun to see an FBoy lose, ya know?

Sophie really digs her photoshoot with Joshy WHICH IS BAD FOR EVERYONE.

STEP AWAY FROM THE HOT FBOY, SOPH!!!!

Thankfully, in swoops hot Nice Guy Draco Justin, who is very comfortable wearing a collar.

Benny's photoshoot is best summed up by this photo:

IT'S SO AWKWARD BUT IN AN ENDEARING WAY. Image: Binge.

After Nick and Molly ruin my favourite childhood film Toy Story, we must endure footage of her photoshoot with Vernon.

And then Sean, whose ability to make a photoshoot where they are dressed as SEXY COPS decidedly unsexy, is to be applauded.

It's mixer time and Benny is reflecting on how far they've come as Sean enjoys the free drinks while he still can.

Sophie likes that her three remaining men are getting along, which prompts Benny to... prove her wrong.

He tells her that everything Nico said about Justin was true, and that Justin did say none of the women were his type.

Which we know... because... this is literally a TV show. We have footage.

Sophie explicitly asks Benny not to confront Justin so surely we are only moments away from Benny confronting Justin.

They try to throw us off the scent with a discussion about Caleb's soft skin but NOPE.

IT'S FIGHT TIME.

How many times will Benny say 'bruv'? I'm locking in four bruvs!

And INSTANTLY, there's one bruv on the board, AND JUSTIN BRUVS HIM RIGHT BACK.

Bruv tennis is my new favourite sport.

Vernon, noticing the drama, jumps up to go and watch. It should be a giant red flag, but... can this talking mullet have any more? And also... this is exactly something I would do.

Benny asks Justin to explain his words and – OOOH, THERE'S THREE MORE 'BRUVS'! – they decide to go hash it out away from the crowd.

Poor Vernon!

At this point, I've severely underestimated the level to which these men can use the word 'bruv'. The bruvs are relentless. I can no longer count them.

Justin expertly takes the heat off himself by moving the focus to how aggressively Benny initiated the conversation, which sees Benny graduate from 'bruv' to 'bellend'.

They yell a lot, with the word 'geezer' thrown in for good measure, and Sophie is not into it.

1. She doesn't really care if Justin said that in episode one (he did), and

2. Grow up pls!

OOOOOOOH.

While two Nice Guys yell not very nice things at each other, and an FBoy with a mullet runs to watch, Nick spies an opportunity to suck face with Molly.

I support them unconditionally.

It's single-date time and all three women have selected an FBoy to interrogate further: Vernon, Caleb and Joshy.

They're on the lookout for any final red flags and HELLO VERNON'S ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS RIGHT THERE.

Like, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK TOO FAR.

Joshy presents very few final red flags, and might even leapfrog Benny and Justin because he doesn't even yell 'bruv' once.

Meanwhile, Caleb continues his reformation game with Ziara and oh–

There's no time to dwell on that because we urgently need to discuss Molly and Vernon having tantrums on the sand.

No, really. They're doing tantrum yoga. That's not a typo! There is nothing tantric about this! They're literally screaming and whacking the sand!

Molly says she needs to work out if Vernon, a certified FBoy, is worth the risk.

He is not.

HE LITERALLY ADMITS TO WANTING TO TAKE ALL THE MONEY. Which should be as bad as he gets except HE ALSO TALKS IN THIRD PERSON.

Molly believes he is genuine and OH MY GOD.

It's elimination time and tonight, the women will choose a top two rather than a bottom two. And first, they must beg.

Sweet angel Nick says the words 'cuddle bear' and I don't get the ick, which is the greenest of flags. Then Vernon talks some s**t blah blah blah STOP TALKING.

Abbie asks Sean why he should be in the final two, and he's like... "I probably shouldn't, hey?", and just... walks off, never to be seen again, or at least until he pops up on the next season of Love Island Australia.

Justin says he's falling for Sophie and Benny says, for the first time in his life, he's let his walls down because he really likes her.

Sophie selects Joshy – SOPHIE! NO! HE'S LITERALLY AN FBOY – and Justin as her final two, leaving Benny sad but also... genuinely grateful for the experience and open to finding love in the future.

He thanks Sophie and they cry in each other's arms.

So long, bruv.

Izaya tells Ziara she's everything he wants in a partner and it's very sweet.

Cory then speaks for approximately 10 years about how serious he is about her and how he's willing to move to Melbourne to be a power couple.

And finally, Caleb makes a plea that sounds a lot like bad slam poetry.

"This is real! And if you want me, I come to you, we grow together, we love on one another... you shine, my love, you shine!"

Damn, this FBoy is losing his charm at the very worst moment! It sounds like he's reading off a cue card in a hostage situation!

I AM EXPERIENCING FULL-BODY CRINGE.

Image: Binge.

Ziara selects cute li'l smiley Izaya and 30-something Cory, leaving Caleb to fume about how everyone else is... boring.

YES OKAY BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE NICE.

Abbie gives them their send-off, and Caleb is really committed to the reformed bit. Which we know is untrue.

There's one week to go, which is just enough time to organise a prayer circle for darling Nick.

See you soon for finale week!

Read our recap of this week's other FBoy Island Australia episode here.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Read more:

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• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 4: Uh, sir, you can't just talk to bar staff about Kama Sutra?
• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 5: Is Nuggetgate the greatest reality TV storyline of our time?
• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 6: An FBoy reveals himself... prematurely.
• Mamamia recaps FBoy Island episode 7: The FBoys begin their redemption arc... And it's working.

Feature image: Binge.