Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: We did not see those final vow curveballs coming!

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Welcome back to what I like to call MAFS Boxing Day! By which I mean the second round of final vows, arguably better than MAFS Christmas Day (first vows) because you just KNOW this show keeps the most dramatic ones 'til last.

They're holding back no punches as we sit here with our day-old ham sandwiches (okay, I'll stop with the Boxing Day references) because we have Tori and Jack first up, complete with ominous music and a creepy-looking sunrise, if sunrises can be creepy (they can).

Naturally, we're gifted with some slow-mo Tori and Jack sipping their respective coffees, thinking about stuff. Look, I'm no Jack fan but I do need to know what conditioning treatment he's using on his Fabio-level mane. It is LUSCIOUS this episode.

Jack tells us he’s not sure about their relationship, he's "definitely attracted to the submissive type", and Tori's "had his back". It's red flag on red flag, as per usual. Meanwhile, Tori, god love her, has reached peak delulu and is telling us that while Jack's "not perfect", she feels like she can build a life with him. She thinks she's found her person. I am begging her to reconsider.

Tori starts the vows, telling Jack that while she wasn't sure if they'd have the best love story or a "power struggle" in the beginning, she feels like they've overcome heaps of challenges and that no one could see the Jack she cared for during the experiment. She believes they have an "old school kind of love" and ends by saying she wants to spend the rest of her days with him, and that moving for him is a sacrifice she's willing to make — AND that she's falling in love with him!!!!

His response is not… what you want when you confess your love. He says "beautiful", which is the MAFS version of "thank you". 

This is not ideal.

Jack, to his credit, acknowledges a lot of his awful behaviour during the experiment. But, while he seems emotional during his vows, he tells Tori he's worried they're "teammates, not lovers" and that their bond is based on picking each other up and supporting each other, not based on love.

Things go from bad to worse. He tells her point-blank that they're not in love, he didn't sign up for a platonic relationship from this show, and he doesn't feel he can ask her to uproot her life for him. Uh oh.

But then! Just as I was about to hurl my ham sandwich at the screen, he changes tune. He's all, "Even though I don't love you and we are just mates, I want to pursue you 100 per cent". What just happened?? What is going on? He says he's head over heels for Tori and "can't wait to fall in love". Isn't that what head over heels MEANS, JACK. THAT YOU'RE FALLING IN LOVE.

Tori is happy to be with Jack but also tells us she'd like to leave those vows right there at that makeshift floral altar, thanks. Same, girl. I'd like to leave that entire man at the altar, but you do you. They walk off into blissful "head over heels".

Congrats, I guess?

Next up it's Sarah and Tim. More drama! Will Tim let go of their past betrayal and commit long-term? They re-watch their wedding video and talk about what they'll miss now they're moving out of the Sky Suites. Tim says he'll miss waking up next to Sarah, and she reminds him that he said he loves her. They seem really happy, but that can also be a red herring in MAFS-land, can't it? Will he do a 180 at the altar?

Over to Eden and Jayden, who are loved up and happy! Phew. We needed some security in this episode. Surely they'll cruise through final vows. They talk about Jayden's shock declaration of love and playfully bicker about Jayden's cockiness. It's all very cute. Then we get the best cut-down of their whole relationship, and there is not a dry eye in the house! These guys are so adorable! Lovely, healthy happiness.

Jayden starts their vows in what seems to be an apartment block foyer that's been filled with candles. It's giving Wish.com Romeo + Juliet.

Alexa, play “Kissing You”.

 His vows, predictably, are lovely. He just adores this woman so much! He wants to spend his life with her! He refers to future children and/or Golden Retrievers! All five of them! It's perfect, Eden is smitten, these two will last the distance, I'm sure of it.

Eden's are just as sweet. She can't wait to bring Jayden into her life so she can tell him she loves him every single day!!! Stop it, you guys! Jayden even gives Eden a commitment bracelet he was definitely given by the producers, but it's still really cute!!

Back to Sara and Tim, who have gone their separate ways and had some BIG FEELINGS. While they've been apart, Sara's just been keen to reunite. She says she could definitely see herself falling for Tim. However!! Tim is doing a lot of broody-staring-at-trees. Not a good sign.

Maybe he's just wondering if they're Crocodyllus Ferns or Maidenhair Ferns?

He's not sure now about their past ups and downs. He's also reflecting on his previous relationship, where his partner cheated. He gets together with Best-Mate-Ben to pretend to drink some margaritas and discuss whether he can trust Sara or not. It's ominous.

Time for final vows! Sara is excited. Tim looks like he might need constant easy access to a loo.

Of course, Sara goes first. She recaps their bumpy road but says that he's her best friend and life partner. He says, "Aw, that's so nice". Uh oh…

"So NICE???"

Tim's turn. He gives like, an entire recap of their whole relationship — from the wedding through the retreat and then, of course, the betrayal. The music gets all dramatic as he says it made him question Sara's integrity and whether he could trust her.

But! He then says that because Sara's shown she wants the relationship, their last few weeks have been wonderful. He feels happy now, and while he was battling between his head and his heart over the past week, it was an easy decision when he just listened to his heart. A happy finale for these two!!!

A happy finale for these two!!!

Ugh, thank god, I couldn't take watching Sara's heart break into pieces.

Sara has a big adorable cry, and now I'm really rooting for them, you guys! This is unfortunate because it looks like they enter more turbulent waters during the reunion dinner, ugh. Here's hoping it's not *that* bad.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The final vows are here and they are filled with rage.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jono gets caught in a web of his own lies.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: To the women on this show, blink twice and we'll send help.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jack's friend chose chaos today.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Never take dating advice from this man.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy has seen the Lucinda Light. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy's breakthrough moment has broken us.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The Bullsh*t Investigators take no prisoners. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden's moustache made some solid points.