‘No fingers in their mouth': 19 women share their new baby rules.

Have you, or will you, set rules for visitors with your newborn baby? 

Last week a first aid specialist and 36-week pregnant mum shared a list of her 'newborn rules' that immediately went viral. The former paramedic and co-founder of Tiny Hearts, Nikki Jurcutz, was inundated with support for sharing her 10 personal rules that she sent to family and friends before her baby's birth. 

While the rules included sensible directives, like "Wash your hands before holding," and "No kissing", were mostly about protecting the baby from germs, one "very unhappy" grandmother was particularly upset. She even sent Nikki a DM to complain that she was preventing families from "connecting" and that no one would "stop her" from kissing her grandchild.

Yikes.

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We wanted to know what our Mamamia community thought about setting rules and boundaries for new babies and their adoring visitors. 

A lot of you could relate to Nikki's master list and even had lists of your own, so here are 19 women on their rules for family and friends after having a baby.

1. 'Wear a mask.'

"I had a baby during peak COVID and lockdowns, so I asked any visitors (when we were allowed to have visitors!) to wear a mask when holding my daughter. I was so anxious at the time about her catching COVID. Everyone was really understanding." – Lizza.

2. 'No smokers.'

"There is something about the first baby that makes people excited, and when I look back, I was handing him around to all these people, which is so risky when they're so little. Also, it's annoying. I had rules for the first baby – I checked about the whooping cough vaccination but wasn't as strict with my second as I assumed most people had it the first time around. The second time I said no visitors in the hospital, COVID made this easy to manage and I wanted that time to focus on feeding/recovery. It was a little lonely, though, so I don't think I'd be so hardline again. For any smokers in my family, they weren't allowed to hold my babies, unless they'd showered/changed their clothes." – Nicolle.

3. 'Whooping cough vaccine.'

"I requested visitors had the whooping cough vaccine and my mother-in-law had an issue with that. No one was allowed in the hospital without us inviting them (I only stayed the one night so that wasn't an issue), then when we got home I wish I was more vocal. But I remember telling my mother-in-law not to kiss my baby and she didn't like that. Also, just hand me back to the baby if she cries –  she's probably hungry and you don't have the equipment to sort her out. I think I'll be a lot stricter next time." – Kally.

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4. 'No fingers in their mouth.'

"These were my rules: No kissing and no fingers in mouth. No visitors except immediate family for the first eight weeks and they must have had flu and whooping cough vaccinations. No visitors in the hospital and no social media posts unless run by me." – Alyce.

5. 'No visiting after 5pm.'

"No kissing or fingers in mouth and also no visiting after 5pm as it just makes my daughter too unsettled and messes with her evening sleep." – Rebecca.

6. 'No social media and please bring food.'

"These are my hard rules: No social media photos, no unannounced drop-ins, no little kid visitors (friends came alone), all immediate family and friends must have had whooping cough vaccine and no kisses on their face. I also joked with some of my family that they weren't allowed to visit without either bringing groceries, a cooked meal or doing some cleaning for me. While it was a sort of joke, they actually did it! Then I returned the favour for my nephews and it's become a cute little unspoken tradition." – Breanna.

7. 'Limited cuddles.'

"We limited hospital visits and the first six weeks to immediate family only. Recovery was the focus as was making sure my son could bond with his new sister. From the six-week mark onwards, we were a bit more flexible unless that person was unwell. We also limited cuddles as I get quite anxious at the thought of my baby being passed around like a parcel!" – Amanda.

8. 'Real friends only.'

"I had a rule that caused a bit of drama. The rule was if I haven’t seen you, or if we haven’t spoken in a while, then it would be best not to request a visit, hold the baby, kiss the baby or whatever. I’m the type of person who is so protective of my time when my babies are in the newborn stage, because not only am I tired, but postpartum recovery comes first. I don’t want to feel like I’m hosting people or pretending that we are better friends than we actually are. This is a great way to draw the line in the sand without having to say no if you put it on social media, and the people who are offended, let them be offended. We were not put on this earth to please everyone!" – Danii'elle.

9. 'No in-laws at the hospital.'

"We posted these designed rules (see below) on our socials around when I was due to have our little girl. One thing I regret was letting my in-laws come and see the baby on the day she was born. I had a minor complication with the birth and didn’t really feel up for visitors at all, but they were quite pushy, so my husband let them up for a little while. We’re trying again and I’ve already told my husband that I don’t want anyone but him and my other chosen support person at the hospital." – Mandi.

Mandi's baby rules. Image: Supplied.

10. 'All vaccinations up to date.'

"I don't have my baby in my arms yet but I'm currently pregnant and my partner and I have been planning our rules for visits which include: No visits in the hospital. We're going through a public birth centre and if all is well, then they like to send you home pretty quickly .No visits at home for at least a few days as well. Up-to-date whooping cough vaccination (in the last five years) for friends visiting. For parents who are visiting from interstate and staying with us for a longer period, we've asked them to get their boosters now. They've all been more than happy to do this, they even offered before we brought it up with them. Mum had gone and booked hers as soon as I told her I was pregnant! We are also asking for flu and COVID vaccinations to be up to date if possible. And finally, no visitors if they've been sick in the week before." – Karagh.

11. 'No rules.'

"I had absolutely no rules, which was a bit slack I realise. One thing I will say is, I loved having a baby during COVID restrictions. It minimised all of the unnecessary visitors and appointments." – Stephanie.

12. 'Please hold my baby!'

"I had my baby 13 years ago. The only rule I had at the time was, 'If you visit me, please hold my baby so I can have a damn shower!' I had no rules. I relied on the common sense of those around me and no one let me down!" – Kylie.

13. 'No random pickups.'

"I was given a tip from one of my nurses: when the general population visited (not grandparents). I would always have my daughter tucked in bed with me. People are less likely to take a baby from your bed than the crib. There was an awful gastro virus going around so that's how we did it. It worked a treat."– Kim.

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14. 'No smoking, no alcohol.'

"If we could have had visitors, it would be no smoking, no alcohol, and please wash your hands. And let us know if you are coming, and want to help feed one of the twins (they were tube fed). But with over four months in NICU and being discharged in lockdowns, we didn’t have to make those decisions." – Angela.

15. 'Please do something helpful.'

"Visitors were welcome who were happy to do the dishes or hang out a load of washing!" – Hannah.

16. 'All visitors welcome!'

"With my first baby, we had rules around visiting and vaccinations and no kissing, especially on the face and hands. With my second we had literally zero rules and she was born during the pandemic. I couldn’t care less who was or wasn’t vaccinated, nor did I mind if my family kissed her, so long as they didn’t have cold sores. We were just so excited to get a visitor during the Victorian lockdown!" – Tanya.

17. 'No perfume please.'

"No perfume or cologne (as well as vaccinations, kissing etc). Unfortunately, the no perfume rule is very tricky and awkward to enforce and lots did not adhere (I don’t believe out of spite, but just out of not understanding). It is extremely hard as a new mother to pick up your baby to feed all day and night long when they smell of someone else. That natural scent is so imperative to bonding, particularly in those first few months. It’s also very hard to remove smells like that from a newborn who is only bathing every few days in water only. – Emily.

18. 'Don't ask me to feed you.'

"Get your whooping cough vaccine and don't come over unannounced. Please ask before holding the baby (a visitor took my newborn son out of my arms without asking and I was too stunned to do anything). Also ask if there's anything needed before you visit. Don't you dare ask for something to eat or drink! Get your own and one for me too! Finally, don't stay for too long." – Alicia.

19. 'Morning visits only.'

"I found it easier to set a time for a family visit. For example, we got home Thursday and didn't tell anyone. Then texted on Friday saying that the grandparents could visit on Saturday for lunch for two hours to begin with. Only morning visitors (that worked best for us) and only one social engagement at a time. I am still seen as the difficult one in the family but 100 per cent think we don't put enough effort and support to develop the family bond in the first few days and months." – Mia*

Do you have any rules for your new baby visitors? Tell us in the comments below!

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Instagram @tinyheartseducation / Canva.

*Name has been changed for privacy reasons.