If you are able to, and feel like it would help your journey with grief... I would suggest reaching out to those that caused harm, on your terms. No resolving or fixing required - the point is to get it off your chest by telling them how they caused harm. Like a way of burning out any remaining shame or diminished self worth they might of created. If it makes them feel some-typa-way, they can process that however they need to, but it's not a requirement that it's with you. They are there to bare witness and listen, maybe in the future you feel like creating space to revisit and process with them, but this needs to be for you. The weight of their reasons and responses surrounding the harm they caused are not something you are required to automatically create space for. It might help to -assertively or softly - state this upfront, because it's simply not how our unhealthy societal expectations work. Most of us have that beautiful voice inside that tells us to comfort people, but if you are trying to have a healthy lil burn session - it's not required and perhaps will keep you from being able to get what you need out of it. You aren't a bad person for choosing to put yourself first and being discerning about who you share your ability to comfort with. I guess what I'm trying to say is that getting this off your chest doesn't automatically mean you need to be there for them emotionally, in that moment or ever.

tldr: processing complex emotions surrounding banal cruelty and my anger manifesto, lul :)

I'm sorry you experienced this, and at such a young age where neither of you were - or should be! - equipped to handle the confusing and complex harm that comes from the banal cruelty that, seemingly, well meaning humans create. This kind of cruelty is especially hard to process and get over because - more often than not - it's internalized, especially at a young age without parents to help guide you. If you did internalize this as 'not being worth' their support and attention (which is understandable, but completely not true to the situation you were faced with - you are and have always been 'worth' love, support and guidance - we all are!), I hope that any frustration and anger now is perhaps a form of burning away internalized emotions so you can looking back on the trauma with a clearer, well adjusted lens. Dealing with people who are simply not able to understand and process the level of tragedy you experienced in order to support you, and instead cause harm is incredibly difficult, isolating and fertile soil for producing issues with self worth. I've found that the people that generally "get it" and are able to step up with support are the one's that have dealt with something similar in their life. Sounds like the silver lining might be that you are now one of the humans that CAN see and step up for others. Born out of your own journey through suffering and tragedy, maybe now you embody this beautiful gift, and can offer it to others facing hard times.