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lea2088 October 25, 2023

I did my psychology thesis on the Impact of the ex-spouse on the life satisfaction and affective states of women with children. Amongst other things, I found that those women who did not take any child support money from their ex partner and whose children did not see their father, had higher life satisfaction and more positive affect (mood) than women who did take the child support and whose kids still saw their father. Why? Because when the father is no longer present in their lives, life can return to normal, the woman can have greater sense of control over her own life, and the children have less destruction, anger and disruption in their lives. Of course, this environment would not be the case for many families, especially where the men are not irrational, abusive or controlling and are focussed on getting the best outcome for their children. 

However, given so many men cannot achieve this level of evolution when it comes to their perception of 'wife as property' (a state reflected in domestic violence statistics) the justice system and family courts need to start taking the variations of experience into account more, and stop applying a cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all law when metering out decisions for family matters. The laws clearly are inadequate.  As a woman who endured four years of similar abuse from a narcissistic ex husband who just couldn't accept the outcome, I truly understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you and all who face this debilitating life challenge. But if it is at all possible, don't take any funds from him if you can afford not to, and half of the problem will go away. As your children get older and see him for what he is, they will quite likely take care of the rest in their own way - not that that is a desirable outcome, just that it is a likely one. Kids have their limits too and men always underestimate that.