'Ask for help in advance.' 5 things I will do differently when I bring my second baby home.

There’s no amount of preparation you can do before your first baby is born to truly ready yourself to bring them home for the first time. 

Sure, you can read all the books, listen to all the podcasts and pick the brains of every person you’ve ever met who’s come into contact with a baby, but until you’re actually living it, you can’t possibly comprehend the enormity: your home is now also the home of a tiny, adorable, squalling extra human being. 

To say things will never be the same is… kind of an understatement.

Of course, the second time around, things are a little different.

Watch: Horoscopes As New Mums. Story continues after video.

The prospect of adding a sibling to the family is daunting in a whole different way (it’s going to be really easy to juggle a toddler and a newborn, right? Right?!?!!?). But there’s a lot more confidence that comes with having been there before. 

It’s like they always say: hindsight is 20/20, except if you were really sleep deprived at the time, in which case hindsight is about 15/20. And that’s still pretty good! 

That’s why, as I prepare to bring my second baby home, I know I’ll be doing some things a little differently this time around.

Accepting help, knowing the time I’ll need help for is finite.

When you’re the parent of a newborn, the fourth trimester feels like it will last, quite literally, forever. It’s hard to see your way out of the fog, and even harder to imagine a time when things will return to some kind of “normal”. 

For me, that made me reluctant to accept a lot of help with my first baby, because the offers didn’t feel finite enough. “I’ll help you with the washing when I come over” was a wonderful proposal (thanks, Mum!) but could I really expect her to do my washing for the next 18 years? 

Of course, I didn’t need help with the washing for 18 years (or even 18 months). Once our little family settled into more of a routine, we were able to pick everything back up ourselves, but those first few months were indisputably tough. I wish I’d had the foresight to accept more help in the early days knowing I wouldn’t need it forever. With this baby, I’ll be welcoming the morning coffee drop-offs with open arms. (Actually, now you mention it, there’s really no need for the coffee to stop until the new baby turns at least five).

Image: Supplied

Asking for specific favours in advance.

In line with my new dedication to accepting more help, I’m also committed to asking friends and family members for things I know we’ll actually need - and making those requests in advance of the birth. I’ve noticed, both from my own experience and watching beloved friends give birth more recently, that people really do want to help, but can often be worried about doubling up with others (there are, after all, only so many frozen meals one freezer can hold). 

This time, anyone who asks me if there’s anything they can do will get a specific job (washing dishes, walking the dog and bringing fresh fruit to sacrifice at the toddler altar come immediately to mind).

Insisting on vaccinations.

There’s really no excuse not to be vaccinated for whooping cough when you come to visit a newborn, but as a new parent, the prospect of enforcing such a strict rule can seem overwhelming. 

The answer, I think, is to make your expectations very clear during your pregnancy so you don’t need to worry about anything except a reminder when the baby arrives. A quick text to expected visitors in the weeks leading up to the birth along the following lines is an easy way to lay down the law.

“We’re so excited for the baby and we know you are too. If you’d like to come and visit when they’re born, please make sure you’re up to date with your whooping cough vaccinations. Can’t wait!”

Taking photos of absolutely everything, exclusively if it isn’t Insta-perfect.

It’s hard to remember the newborn days with my firstborn, and not least because I didn’t take nearly enough photos. 

The early days of a new baby’s life are magical, and worth capturing on film, including with you in them – even when you aren’t feeling your best (like, hypothetically, if you haven’t washed your hair in a week and have milk leaking through your shirt). As hard as it might be to imagine in the moment, those are memories you’ll desperately want to look back on in the not-too-distant future. 

I won’t be hesitating to take as many unattractive breastfeeding selfies with my second as my phone’s memory can handle, as well as shamelessly insisting that visitors take photos with me and my partner in them, not just the baby.

Listen to This Glorious Mess, On this episode, Leigh and Tegan reflect on the first few weeks postpartum, including what you do and don’t need to worry about. Post continues below.

Sleeping more easily (well, hopefully).

The first time you’re solely responsible for a newborn is… intense. You can hardly believe you’re actually allowed to leave the hospital unsupervised. If it feels surreal, it’s because it is. 

If you’re anything like my partner and me, you’ll find yourself up in the middle of the night resting one hand on your first baby’s chest, just to check they’re still breathing. 

This is both unnecessary and, frankly, exhausting, given the very small amount of sleep you’re probably getting. This time around, I’m looking forward to relaxing a little. Well, as much as you can feasibly “relax” while on a newborn feeding schedule… so, relaxing a very, very small amount.

Feature Image: Supplied