'I teach young men about respect. Here's what I'd say to Jonah Hill.'

Acceptance of men going to therapy seems to have grown so much. In fact, I’ve known some guys to get frustrated at friends for NOT seeking help. 

This has been an overall positive, with men more likely to get professional help and work through issues.

While true for the majority, a subset of men has emerged who see therapy and its associated language as not just a means to heal, but as tools for sophisticated manipulation.

Enter 21 Jump Street actor Jonah Hill, now making headlines for telling his then-girlfriend she wasn’t allowed to surf with men, post pictures of herself in bathers or have friendships he didn’t approve of.

All under threat of the relationship ending, in the name of his 'mental health’.

Watch: How to be a woman in 2023. Post continues after video.

The series of messages screenshotted by Jonah’s ex-girlfriend, surfing instructor, Sarah Brady, appear to show him citing ‘boundaries’, ‘trust’ and ‘respect’ as reasons for her to do as he wanted.

Jonah has yet to respond to Sarah’s posts.

My job is to teach men about respect, and based on the info so far, here's what I'd tell Jonah Hill:

He is using good words, but in a bad way. 

Setting boundaries to guard his mental health isn’t the same as setting ‘boundaries’ to control someone.

Boundaries should be healthy limits to manage one's wellbeing. But when positive terms are used to make someone do what someone wants, it's a way of deliberately making it hard for them to challenge anything. 

The ‘boundaries’ Hill tried to set for Sarah appeared to be restricting her in order to suit his own securities and feelings. 

When insecurities cause someone to try to control a partner, dressing it up in mental health terminology doesn’t give them a free pass.

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Which brings me to question. Why did Hill date a surfing instructor, then ask her not to do surfer-girl things? 

It would be like sliding into a fitness model’s DMs, starting a relationship, then getting angry about posts of her in the gym. 

Listen: Yes We’re Talking About Jonah Hill’s Boyfriend Boundaries. Post continues after podcast.

Before getting into a serious relationship, a person need to decide if someone else’s lifestyle and the way they live matches their values and what they want in a partner.

Hill may not be able to control his jealousy, but he should learn to control - without using mental health language to manipulate. 

Max Radcliffe is a young men’s respectful relationships speaker. He works with young men to help them navigate intimate relationships, consent and self-respect, thereby improving the experiences of women they interact with. Max also shares his advice to young men on Instagram: www.instagram.com/maxi.radcliffe/