'What I've been scared to say publicly since attending Taylor Swift.'

The *Swifties are f**king terrifying. There I said it. For such a supposedly warm and joyful bunch, they sure have a lot of negative things to say about anyone who doesn't abide by their rules. The rules that most people didn't know existed until people were shouting at each other on the internet about "HOW VERY DARE YOU GO TO TWO CONCERTS?!"

*Not all Swifties but that doesn't sound as impactful so allow my hyperbolic drama please.

Last year, Taylor Swift's team released Eras Tour dates in Australia and people collectively lost their s**t. My girlfriend asked me if I would like to go with her and I told her I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and experience the show. But I didn't want to go badly enough to stress about tickets and spend an entire day getting them. She was happy to do so, and somehow got tickets, and when I say somehow, she panic-bought us VIP tickets and I had a small heart attack when I found out the price of such tickets that come with a lanyard.

People were shouting and crying that they couldn't get tickets, but it was only in the weeks leading up to it, did I realised JUST how fraught the ticket situation was and just how upset some people were about not going. So out of respect for the Swifties (not the cranky ones yelling at strangers), I decided I needed to become a Swiftie.

I listened to all her albums and came to know what my fave tunes were. I listened to the Shameless Scandal Series and Mamamia Cancelled episode, dedicated to Miss Swift. I watched endless TikTok and enjoyed the Netflix doco about her. I even started doing Era makeup looks, and coming up with outfit options.

Watch: What everyone wore at the Sydney Eras Tour. Post continues after video.

The night prior to the concert, my pal (who is a HUGE Swiftie) even gave us a presentation about Taylor Swift, complete with a pop quiz at the end. So I was ready. I had my tassels and cowboy boots on; I knew what to expect, and I was eager to enjoy the show, especially after seeing footage from Melbourne and hearing people talking about it as the best night of their lives.

But what people didn't warn me about, what the TikToks didn't delve into, is JUST how intense and overwhelming the concert is. As someone who literally couldn't even look up while I walked down the aisle on my wedding day, I get very overwhelmed very easily, I'm prone to panic attacks and I avoid intense situations as much as possible. 

So I know many people will read this and get cross at me because "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, WHY DID YOU GO". And the thing is that you often forget, and you often talk yourself out of how something felt because you're AWARE that it's a time you should be filled with joy, even though you're solely full of pure panic. 

Because let me tell you what's worse than wanting to go to something and missing out. Going to something and being riddled with negative emotions while you know you SHOULD be having the time of your life. It's worse when you know other people would have loved to go instead of you because anyone with a shred of empathy will then have guilt on top of the panic and anxiety and overwhelm.

I feel so conflicted when people ask me what I thought because OF COURSE I appreciated the experience. Taylor hands down is the most incredible performer I've ever seen. The production, the athleticism, the costumes, the TALENT, she's just incredible. But actually going was one of the most overwhelming and intense experiences of my life.

Listen to The Spill where the hosts talk more about Taylor Swift and the Eras Tour. Post continues after podcast.

At the start of this article, I dramatically called Swifties terrifying and a key example of this, is that I've been scared to say publicly that I didn't have the best night of my life. Because I knew I would have dozens of cranky people shouting at me about being ungrateful and giving my ticket to someone who would have had fun, and blah blah blah.

The more I think about it, the more ridiculous this is. I haven't been on a holiday for four years. I would LOVE a holiday. But I sure as s**t wouldn't crack it about someone who has been on many holidays having a lil' complain about something.

Friend on holiday: "Yeah it sucked, my bag got stolen in Madrid, I broke my leg in Paris and half of my flights had to be rebooked."

Me: "HOW VERY DARE YOU COMPLAIN, DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO GO ON HOLIDAYS?"

We're allowed to experience things differently, and we're allowed to have different perspectives. So I'm hoping that my 'inward meltdown' perspective gives those with FOMO, maybe a bit of JOMO. Because I'm sure there were other people who respected their luck with tickets but still might not have had the BEST NIGHT EVER, that's just life and we shouldn't be afraid to share our experiences, cause they're often not as unique as we may think and they're equally valid.

Featured Image: Instagram @ kelly_mccarren.

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