How do you make friends as an adult? 11 women share how they make new friends.

I read this beautiful (total tearjerker) article on The Cut a few weeks ago. If you don’t have time to read it, it is basically a story written by a daughter whose mum doesn’t have any friends. 

This friendless situation is not the mum’s fault, she used to have lots of friends - wonderful, close adored/adoring friends. But in her senior years, many had passed away or moved away, and during COVID, she had also moved to be closer to family, leaving her remaining friends behind. 

And not to give too much away (seriously, just read the article, it’s beautiful), the daughter (the writer) sets out to get her mum some friends, and it works. 

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I think it moved me so much because I know that for many of us, making friends as an adult is extremely difficult and totally scary. On top of that, making friends as an adult is critical. Loneliness is literally a killer (I promise, it’s true, Google it, there are HEAPS of peer-reviewed journal articles that say this). 

My own mum moved to a new area just before COVID hit in late 2019 and didn’t get to meet anyone for almost two years. She’s recently realised its time to put herself out there to make some new friends, but the question is how? 

I had very few ideas about how to do this and my mum would not be keen on the Facebook call out method used by the daughter who wrote The Cut article. 

So, instead, I went to my networks and asked for suggestions and stories about how people have made friends in adulthood. The responses were varied, but all very helpful. And even though this 'adult friend making' question was provoked by my mum’s situation, I think this is something most of us struggle with that we need some tips and tricks for.  

1. "If I meet someone I’d like to be friends with, I invite them to my place for dinner. I’m surprised how many of my close friendships have started with that simple gesture."

2. "I am a really anxious person, and I'm constantly worried about what people think of me, but after a big break up about a year ago, I realised I literally had no friends. (Well, I have a few distant ones from school, but no one close.) I got onto the suburb Facebook group and asked if there were any women who’d be keen to start a walking group. I got seven responses. It was hard, and I was so nervous for those first few walks. But there are four of us still in the group and we walk together every Sunday and go for coffee afterwards. One of the women I’ve become closer to and we will text through the week and go to a movie sometimes. I also went for dinner with her and her family for her birthday. It was hard reaching out, but it was worth it."

3. "It takes about 50 hours to make a new friend as an adult, so consistently turning up to things (gym classes, volunteering, hobby groups) is a great way to get those hours up. My husband played golf when we moved to a new city, and he met loads of people that way."

4. "If you get on with someone, ask for their number straightaway, don’t think you’ll do it next time because you won’t! Then follow up with a message. I’ve done this and made three new friends in the last year, two are in the regular catch-up zone!"

5. "Mother’s group was a new friend buffet. I got on with everyone in my group, and my four closest friends are all friends from the mother’s group I was in eight years ago."

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6. "I do think it’s hard when you don’t have kids. Having kids seems to make it easier for adults to make new adult friends. Making friends through work is the best option in my experience."

7. "It doesn’t just happen, you have to be brave. If you meet someone and like them, you need to ask if you can catch up again. Or if that’s a bit confronting, you need to join in stuff – volunteering, book club, gym classes – and be the one to suggest coffee, drinks, and dinner afterwards. It can be really scary, but it’s the only way, and remember everyone is scared!"

8. "I have made all my adult friends through work. When I meet someone I get along with at work, I try to put in some extra effort to build up the friendship. Start with social media – liking and commenting on posts, then go for drinks sometimes, or buy them a takeaway coffee when you buy yourself one. Don’t come on too strong, but slow and steady equals firm friends!"

9. "Get a dog. I’ve met great people at the dog park, one of whom is now a good friend who I catch up with regularly. We found common ground outside of our dogs and that led us to catch up to go and see an exhibition together and from there it grew. But the dog park crew are great. I see them most days and we have birthday coffees for each other and a Christmas party each year. It's a really great way to make friends."

10. "Do activities that interest you so you’re regularly meeting like-minded people. If you connect with someone in a conversation, just tell them you’d like to keep in touch and get their details. I’ve made several friends this way over the last few years."

11. "I’ve made basically all my close friends through my kids. I have a few very old school friends, but after my ex and I split, I just threw myself into the kids' school stuff. I’d go on the excursions, I joined the P&C, I work in the tuckshop each week, and I help out in the uniform shop. There are about five other mums like me who do all this stuff too (I work part time so I’m quite flexible) and we are just a posse now. We do dinner at each other’s houses a couple of times each week and our kids are like cousins. It’s great."

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