Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jack's friend chose chaos today.

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'Honey, you're home!' Ridge proclaims to conveniently rein in episode two of Homestays Week. 

Jade welcomes Ridge to the home she shares with her brother. 

Meanwhile, Tim moves into Sara's home. The rogue best man Ben meets with the couple, along with Sara's friend Jackie. 

"A lot has happened — good and bad," Sara vaguely states, a fitting summation of this entire sh*tshow of a season.

Sara is forced into retelling the 'emotional cheating' story and as expected, Ben ain't happy. Sara's expression barely changes. She's got other things on her mind. 

'But seriously, I have a deep connection with Tom/Troy/Tate/whatever his name is...'

"Why did you lie?" Ben presses Sara. 

"Why do you flare your nostrils?" 

"Did you think you would get away with it?"

Ben won't stop. Sara notes that he asks questions but interrupts her answers, as if she doesn't do this to Tim at least 40 times a day. 

Speaking privately to Ben, Tim admits he 'hasn't fully forgiven' Sara. YEAH, NO SH*T. 

'But did you tell her you'll still eat her or what...'

Tim is still banging on about the cheating thing. Oh my God, in the words of Eden 'stop rehashing everything, I'm so bored, when will it end!!'... she probably said. That was defs the gist! 

From one dysfunctional couple to another, Jack has taken Tori to his natural habitat... the Gold Coast. He's said he has zero plans on moving to Melbourne and their relationship can only continue if Tori moves to the GC.  

Thankfully, Melbourne and the Gold Coast are super similar... said no one on earth ever. 

Jack forces Tori to go to the gym as Jade forces Ridge to cut vegetables for the first time since he 'did heaps in food tech'. 

Ridge attends a barbeque with Jade's family where he proceeds to say 'deece!' every few seconds. 

Everyone's a big fan! 

'Right in front of my salad...'

Jade's stepdad asks Ridge how he'd adapt to being a father figure in Jade's daughter's life. "I've seen her be a great mum and I'd love to be a part of it," he said, before sharing his plans to move to be with Jade.

I love Ridge but Jade's sister Jasmine does not! She thinks he's too immature. Jade's mum Dale doesn't want her daughter to get hurt if Ridge doesn't actually relocate for their relationship and embrace a step-daughter. 

Jade breaks down reflecting on the times her heart has been broken from a man not meeting her expectations. 

The whole family ends up crying. 

THIS IS TOO REAL. 

WHERE IS RIDGE AND IS HE SAYING DEECE?

'To deece or not to deece, what was the question?' 

Jack introduces Tori to his friend Lizz, who is ready to greet and interrogate his bride. There is someone else there too but she literally doesn't speak for the entire exchange. She's perhaps a server who got lost.  

"We haven't had sex," Jack announces, as if someone asked a question that should prompt that answer. "We're building intimacy without erotica," he adds, as I vomit in my mouth. 

Lizz reckons this is a red flag. She also has concerns when Tori refers to herself as 'one of the boys' and shares she isn't that keen on focusing on friendships with women. 

At this stage, I expect Lizz to enter into a feminist discussion of the importance of women's friendships in establishing a sisterhood to take down the patriarchy! Let's go, girls! Woo hoo!!

I was so very... wrong.

 Nah, Lizz reckons that means she's a big ol' slutty slut!

"If they're one of the boys, it's usually because they're sleeping with all the boys!" Lizz replies.

Oh, Lizz.

'Is this bitch for real?'

 Lizz adds that based on her first impressions of Tori at the wedding, she thought she was "bossy", "controlling" and "basic". 

Meanwhile, Jack does nothing to defend Tori at any stage. "I like girly girls.... but look at these nails," Jack offered at one point. 

Lizz frankly just... won't shut the f**k up. 

This is too much! She's either an awful person or has been egged on by producers to start drama. 

'An extra voucher if I make Tori cry? Deal!' 

On to another painful couple, Tim is still banging on about Sara not being accountable enough for her past wrongs while on a boat date.

"I don't want to go around in circles," Tim says, as he circles back to a topic discussed at least 27 times. 

Sara wants to move on! Don't we all, Sez. 

Tim is confused why Sara gets defensive, as if he's never met Sara. 

Sara then breaks the fourth wall. "You're throwing me under the bus... we have spoken about not bringing this up anymore," she tells him, suggesting they had an off-camera conversation about the topic. 

Sara starts to cry as the couple attempts to hide from the camera. 

FAM, YOU'RE ON A GODDAMN BOAT. 

'NO CAMERAS ON THE BOW, STAY ON THE STARBOARD SIDE.' 

They talk it out, and all is well... for today at least.  

Ridge cooks beef ravioli for Jade in his jocks and seriously, this episode would be unwatchable without this delightfully rogue couple to offer some reprieve from all the toxicity.

But oh no, Jade is crying again. She shares doubts that Ridge is ready to settle down but he assures her he's in it for the long haul. Believe him, Jade! He's a psych nurse and apparently this is a relevant factoid! 

On their final date on Homestays Week, Jack tells Tori she's "done well" and if this man speaks to another woman the way he congratulates a dog for collecting a squeaky toy, I will actually LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND. 

The way Tori lets these microaggressions slide is infuriating. This! Man! 

Tori says that as Lizz wasn't welcoming, it's given her pause over the chance of her moving to the GC. "I want my wife living with me!" Jack replies. She suggests they spend alternate weekends staying with each other but for Jack, the only option is her moving in with him. 

RUN, SIS. 

Jack continues to just be... Jack. 

He wins her back by revealing his 'deep feelings' and 'tunnel vision' for her before gifting her a black rose and diamond bracelet. The vibe then turns NSFW, suggesting these two are heading to sex town. 

"I've got what I want, I got Tori, and I'll take her home," Jack says. 

WHY DOES THIS SOUND LIKE A THREAT??

The episode ends and we all know what's next. On tomorrow's preview, it's confirmed they banged. But do their fellow contestants believe them? Nope! Love that for them! 

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Never take dating advice from this man.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy has seen the Lucinda Light. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Timothy's breakthrough moment has broken us.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The Bullsh*t Investigators take no prisoners. 

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden's moustache made some solid points.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There have just been so many lies.

Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Don't pretend your cheating scandal is not a cheating scandal.

Tara Watson is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Producer. For more from her, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine

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