
I was 21 years old and three bites into my bagel – extra pickles, of course – when I noticed a woman sitting at the next table, looking my way.
She was middle-aged, bustling with joy, and eager to start a conversation. I was… eating my bagel… and as anyone who has frequented the Melbourne institution of Glick's will know, bagels are a near religious experience and one’s full attention is required. Please.
Alas, she seemed pleasant, and so I smiled and chatted along. But before long, I could feel the conversation veering into different territory, and oh okay, yes, it’s time for the interrogation now.
“Are you married?,” she enquired with a smile, her eyes quizzing my face.
Mia shares about her wedding day. Post continues after video.
I chortled on my mouthful, “Nooo!”.
“Oh, but you have a boyfriend?,” she nodded, eyes brimming with hope.
“No… I don’t,” I found myself offering a slight smile. (Was I... a little apologetic?)
Pause. Her brow furrowed with concern.
“Oh.”
I detected a faint whiff of pity. And then, she found the most hopeful words she could muster:
“That’s okay, dear. Even though time is getting on for you, you still might find someone yet.”
I was 21 – and speechless.
“Who cares!,” I hear you say. “Laugh it off!”. “She’s a stranger! It doesn’t matter”. And yes, it’s true, and I did… but also, I never forgot it too. Because that moment jolted me. It was the very first moment, I felt the pressure of ‘next’. The pressure of what ‘should’ be: The pressure to find someone. To settle down.
That despite everything that I was and the things I’d achieved, I was being perceived through a lens of lack; of what I didn’t have, or rather, who I didn’t have… yet.
I’ve been fortunate. I was raised by a mother who is open-minded and supportive. Who has never put pressure on me to be something other than who I truly am, or the life that I want.
But I can’t always say the same for my community; my dear Jewish community that I adore, but can push my buttons in the way only a beloved but annoying family member can… You know?
I’ve been set up on a blind date with someone purely because he had a PhD, and convinced to give another guy a second date just because he is a lawyer.
I’ve had well-meaning parents of friends raise a glass to me, publicly declaring their hopes that I “find someone soon”.
I’ve had brides tell me “not to worry” – I wasn’t – and that “you’ll be next” – I wasn’t – and endured far too many tables of miscellaneous singles at weddings.
Top Comments
My point is, don't get married and have kids just because that's what "society" says you should do. It's a big commitment so only do it when you are 100% ready and want to.